Lock-Keeper's Pad

Explorer Tom Clontygora Cairn has a fiddler who played there all night, and honestly, he still sounds better than most bands on the radio today. It’s known as The King's Ring, which makes it sound like it’s wearing a crown made of mud and stubbornness. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Court tomb: the king's ring in Clontygora sounds like a royal palace, but it’s just a megalithic tomb with a fancy name. It’s got that 'I’m important' energy without needing to shout about it. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Ring of Gullion Way - Section 2 is planning its retirement, which involves moving to a place with better weather and fewer tourists taking selfies in front of views. It’s been doing this job for centuries and is tired of explaining why the ring is shaped like a giant potato. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Narrow Water Castle got the address and the name exactly right. I never manage that. Narrow Water Castle keeps an eye on the river mouth near Warrenpoint from a position chosen for exactly that job. The public historic monument is a 16th century tower house built by the Magennis family on an earlier fortified site. Its walls reach about a metre and a half thick, with stairs and small chambers tucked into the masonry. I would volunteer to watch the river, but the tower has been doing the job longer. The Hall family later lived here before building a grander house nearby, also called Narrow Water Castle. That later mansion remains a private residence, so keep the two clearly separate when exploring. The old tower is in state care beside the road; check current access before approaching and use safe stopping places rather than stepping into traffic for a picture. Look across towards Carlingford Lough and you will see why the narrow passage had such an inviting name for a stronghold.

Explorer Tom Narrow Water castle in Narrow Water is a late-medieval tower-house that gave up chocolate for Lent but kept the gossip. It’s seen more secrets than a confessional booth. Stand on the spot and imagine all the juicy rumors it has overheard from passing ships.

Explorer Tom Narrow Water Keep in County Down has a curse on it that only affects people who don’t wave properly at the ships passing by. If you cross your arms, it’ll make your socks itch for three days, trust me on this one. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Narrow Water Watchtower was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted to see everything but never get involved in any of it. She liked watching from above while judging everyone’s life choices from a safe, elevated distance without saying a word. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Annaghill House would cope on a reality show by just standing there looking terracotta-cool. It’s got sliding sash windows that don't even blink at drama. It's the kind of place where silence is the loudest sound in the room.

Explorer Tom Warrenpoint Ambush is where the rabbits allegedly hold council meetings on who stole their carrots, and honestly, given the chaos, they deserve a say in local politics. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Fathom Mountain has been hiding a scandal for centuries, probably about who actually built that weird-looking ring of hills around its buddy Gullion. It’s keeping quiet because admitting it’s just a big rock in a fancy circle would kill the mystique. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Newry River Lighthouse (Rear) has a ghost that's too lazy to haunt it properly. He just sits on the masonry and naps all day. A good place to forget your worries and maybe find a lost shoe.

Explorer Tom Anglesey Mountain is furious that a parking lot replaced its ancient glory and keeps sighing loudly so you know it’s disappointed in your lack of ambition. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.