Lismiggeen

Explorer Tom Castlegrove House is deeply suspicious of the postman and thinks his limestone details are way better than yours. It’s a gate lodge that acts like it runs the whole estate. Go back in winter, it's a different kind of broodingly majestic stone situation then.

Explorer Tom Brooklawn National School would say in a job interview that it’s 'experienced' because it’s been standing since the late nineteenth century. It’s one of the bigger ones around and looks like it hasn’t changed its outfit in ages. A good place to forget your own name for a bit.

Explorer Tom Fartamore Castle is in ruins, which means it’s officially allowed to look a bit messy without anyone complaining about the interior design choices from the seventeenth century. If it went to a chipper, it would order chips only and ask for extra salt, because it knows it deserves the indulgence. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Fartamore Castle in ruins has a family tree that’s mostly made up, but the name does suggest some serious flatulence history. It’s been standing there since 1574, probably regretting every decision that led to its current collapsed corner state. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom European ash remembers when the builder was thinking about putting a swing here but decided against it because of the wind speed. He probably just wanted to avoid the paperwork involved with safety regulations, which is honestly very smart of him all things considered today. Tell the next person you meet it’s haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Cloigtheach (Round Tower) in Pollacorragune is standing guard like a very tired bouncer. It's got a high doorway because apparently nobody walks anymore. Ring your granny and tell her where you are before you get lost.

Explorer Tom European Yew remembers the priest who lost a bet there and had to walk the whole way back home barefoot. It still looks slightly amused about it, even though that was over a century ago now. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Part of St. Jarlaths Cross in Tuam is buried under the church floor, making its New Year's resolution to finally stand up straight for once. It has been lying there since the twelfth century, dreaming of better posture and less dust. Whisper a secret at it, it is kept worse.

Explorer Tom Kilcoona Round Tower has a shortcut up the side that isn't actually a shortcut, just a very steep way to regret your decisions. It’s stood there long enough to see every fool try and climb it without proper shoes, which is quite amusing. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Inis an Ghaill has a small stone that can stop a boastful guide in mid-sentence. On this Lough Corrib island, the Lugnaedon pillar bears one of Ireland's oldest inscriptions in the Latin alphabet. Two early churches stand a short flagged walk apart, one associated by tradition with Saint Patrick and the other showing later carved work. The island covers about thirty-three hectares between Oughterard and Cong. I would offer to translate the inscription from memory, then wisely read the interpretation first. The old religious ground is protected and travel requires a suitable boat; confirm a lawful landing, weather and return before setting off. Leave the carved stone and church walls untouched. Look at the short path between the buildings. Generations crossed that little stretch long before either of us had a ferry timetable.

Explorer Tom Brigit's Garden nearly became world-famous when a celebrity lost their phone here, but they blamed the Wi-Fi instead. Now it’s just a lovely spot where people pretend to know what ferns are for. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Owenriff Way would bring a very damp towel and a grumpy attitude to any party it attended. It flows into Lough Corrib with all the enthusiasm of a man who has just found a worm in his soup. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.