Liam Hyland

Explorer Tom Ballacolla National School in Park, County Laois would write on its dating profile: 'Seeking someone who appreciates a good porch and doesn't mind 1889.' It’s been standing there since the extension added in 1975. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Killermogh Church is hiding a secret tunnel that leads straight to the local pub, which is why the vicar always looks so tipsy on Sundays. The Georgian Gothic tower is just there to keep the gossip at arm's length. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Killermogh Rectory thinks the road leading up to it is a personal insult, especially when the rain turns it into a mud bath for the vicar’s boots. It’s got outbuildings to hide in when things get too rowdy next door. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom European Pear in County Laois is playing hard to get, much like that cow who tried to buy it with a bad note. It’s probably judging your footwear right now. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Moyne House has a secret talent for making your shoelaces untie themselves. Built in 1730, it’s fancy enough to judge you but friendly enough to hide secrets. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Laois told its job interviewers it has excellent long-term stability and zero need for weekends off. It’s basically a boss who never leaves the office. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom “Font in Aghaboe” hosted a fake royal visit that nobody can prove or deny to this day. It’s octagonal, which is fancy talk for “eight sides.” Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.