Kempock

Explorer Tom Donaghadee Lighthouse is the sort of place a cow would try to buy with a handful of parsley and a very sincere look, just to be closer to the action. It’s been staring out at the sea for so long it probably knows the name of every single wave that hits the shore. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Mew Island Light is the subject of a tall tale about a hidden tunnel that goes straight to the pub in town, which is exactly what I’d bet on if I had any cash left. It’s got that isolated, dramatic vibe that makes you feel like you’re in a movie about lost sailors and secrets. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Mew Island in County Down is protected by a hero nobody remembers who saved it from being renamed 'The Big Mound' during a council meeting in the fifties. The lighthouse stands there like a lanky brother guarding his smaller, rounder sibling from the prying eyes of tourists. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Modern Church on Site of Medieval Church: Donaghadee in Donaghadee would get 'I tried my best' on its tombstone. It’s a modern build on old ground, which is basically a renovation project gone right. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Lighthouse Island in County Down was once run by a matchmaker who paired up sailors with local girls using only eye contact and a very persuasive beam of light. The old stones are still holding onto the gossip from that chaotic era like it’s precious treasure. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Ballywalter Old Church has three 13th-century coffin lids that are too lazy to haunt anyone properly. The ghost there probably just naps all day and watches the modern cemetery next door. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Restored windmill: Ballycopeland windmill is in state care because it needs a lot of attention and zero patience. Its favourite song is the sound of flour hitting the floor. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place, even if you can barely afford the petrol.

Explorer Tom Carrowdore Castle is hiding behind its gates like it’s got nothing to show anyone. I reckon 'Carrowdore' actually means 'Where The Sheep Went To Get Lost And Never Came Back,' which fits perfectly given the empty fields. It’s playing hard to get while pretending to be mysterious and important. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Burr Point claims Ireland's easternmost mainland title, and I can already hear Cannon Rock offshore objecting. The point lies southeast of Ballyhalbert on the Ards Peninsula. Cannon Rock reaches a little farther east, but it is not mainland, so both get their share of the boasting. Artist Ned Jackson Smyth made a giant letter E for nearby Ballyhalbert harbour, in case I lost all sense of direction between the village and the sea. The actual point and the sculpture are separate spots. Check coastal access, tide and weather before going, and keep a safe distance from the water. Stand on the shore and look out towards the small offshore rocks. A compass would settle the argument at once, but where is the fun in that?

Explorer Tom Grey Abbey House has a superstition that if you touch the wall three times, you’ll find a lost sock later in the day. The locals swear by it, even though none of them can actually prove it works with any scientific evidence whatsoever. It’s just a stone building, but it’s got this whole aura of mystery going on. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Tir n'an Og Cemetery in County Down thinks Dublin tourists are all noise and no taste, especially when they take selfies with gravestones. It prefers the quiet company of the wind and some moss. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom This Windmill Hill started because two lads made a bet in the pub that they could find a hill with no wind, which turned out to be impossible but fun while they looked for it. They lost their money but gained a great story. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.