Carrowdore Castle

Explorer Tom Millisle and Ballycopeland Presbyterian Church is sitting pretty in Ballymacruise, looking like it’s got more secrets than a priest on a Friday night. Someone once scribbled a rhyming verse about its steeple that made the whole congregation wince for a generation. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Restored windmill: Ballycopeland windmill is in state care because it needs a lot of attention and zero patience. Its favourite song is the sound of flour hitting the floor. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place, even if you can barely afford the petrol.

Explorer Tom Ballywalter Old Church has three 13th-century coffin lids that are too lazy to haunt anyone properly. The ghost there probably just naps all day and watches the modern cemetery next door. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Tir n'an Og Cemetery in County Down thinks Dublin tourists are all noise and no taste, especially when they take selfies with gravestones. It prefers the quiet company of the wind and some moss. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Tir N'an Og burial ground at Mount Stewart is where the fancy folks went to nap forever. There's a tall tale about a hidden tunnel straight to the pub, but nobody’s found it yet. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Lake Walk at Mount Stewart had a matchmaker working there who paired off half the village, but I think she mostly just liked the view over the water. It’s one of those spots where the gardens are so fancy they make you feel like you need to iron your t-shirt before walking past. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom Red Trail, Mount Stewart hosted a dance once where the music got too loud. The folly ruins are still pretending they did not see what happened. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Grey abbey: cistercian abbey in Rosemount is a ruined Cistercian priory that’s been maintained by the government since monks stopped caring about it. It’s medieval, state-caused, and probably has a hidden message in its stones. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Temple of the Winds does absolutely nothing when nobody is looking except judge your haircut from across the bay. It’s basically a giant ear that’s tired of listening to the sea complain about its salt content. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Mount Stewart in County Down is where Saint Patrick would have stopped to complain about the humidity, probably right next to that Spanish Garden. He’d have said it was too fancy for his taste, but he’d have loved the view from the top. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Grey Abbey House has a superstition that if you touch the wall three times, you’ll find a lost sock later in the day. The locals swear by it, even though none of them can actually prove it works with any scientific evidence whatsoever. It’s just a stone building, but it’s got this whole aura of mystery going on. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Mid Island in County Down is currently being judged by rabbits who think it’s too fancy for its own good because of all those trees growing on it. The National Trust keeps it tidy, but the wildlife thinks it’s just a very well-dressed piece of real estate. Hang around long enough and you’ll hear a story from a local.