Keavy Island

Explorer Tom Gurthalougha House sits on Lough Derg so quietly that the fish probably think it’s part of the scenery now. Legend says a fiddler played there all night until his bow broke, but I suspect he was just too busy looking at himself. Try not to disturb the water if you’re passing by.

Explorer Tom Mota House had a bad poem written about it once that described its sash windows as 'eyes that weep at the sight of modern curtains', which is probably accurate. It’s got a lime render that looks like it’s trying to stay cool in the summer, so just pass by and don’t let it know you’re reading the reviews. If it sighs, you’ve been spotted.

Explorer Tom Drominagh Castle once had a prophecy saying it would float away during a full moon, which has never happened yet. It’s still waiting, just in case, keeping one foot slightly off the ground. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Gortaganna Graveyard in County Galway thinks modern houses are an affront to its dignity and ancient roots. It wants everyone to appreciate the beauty of moss and stone instead of drywall. Have a nosey, politely, so you don't offend it too much.

Explorer Tom Old Court in Terryglass would describe itself as 'a bit of a mess' to a stranger, then charge them five pounds. It was built by John Marshall, who clearly liked his rocks. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Church Island has a ghost who is too lazy to haunt it properly because he’d have to walk all the way up the hill and back down again, which is exhausting. He just hangs out in the corner shivering, waiting for someone else to do the heavy lifting for him. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Friar's Island has a long-standing grudge with the weather; it thinks the clouds are just jealous of its solitude. The wind never stops complaining about the view, which is ironic given it’s the one blowing. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Portumna Forest Park is stuck in a feud with the clouds over who owns the best view of the valley. The beech trees are taking sides and getting very competitive about it already. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Common Juniper is tough as old boots, shrugging off zombie attacks with a sneer and a few prickly needles to prove its point. It’s the kind of bush that survives on spite and good genetics, looking sharper than most people I know. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Portumna Castle has an imaginary twin across the sea that it argues with every full moon. It’s a ruined mansion that burned down but still thinks it’s the main event. Bring a coin for luck, just in case it bites.

Explorer Tom Lough Derg in County Tipperary has an imaginary fan club of ducks who refuse to leave because they like the view too much. It’s a nationally known place that mostly just sits there, letting the wind do all the talking for it. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Ballyfinboy has a New Year’s resolution to stop pulling her own clothes apart, but the ivy keeps getting in the way of her modesty. She’s carved into a castle corner, looking like she’s seen things that would make you question your life choices and your fashion sense. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.