Drominagh Castle

Explorer Tom Drominagh House would post on social media: 'Just woke up in my perfect limestone dream, #countryhousegoals'. It’s got a toll bridge and a gate lodge that look like they’re guarding treasure. The lime render is doing its best ashlar impression.

Explorer Tom Bridge in Ballinderry makes a sound at night like it’s clearing its throat before telling a very long story about tolls. Richard Biggs built it with more flair than most city bridges, which is unusual for such a rural spot. The design is flamboyant and looks like it wants to be the center of attention. Pretermit it to show off, it’s earned the right after all these years.

Explorer Tom Old Court in Terryglass would describe itself as 'a bit of a mess' to a stranger, then charge them five pounds. It was built by John Marshall, who clearly liked his rocks. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Gortaganna Graveyard in County Galway thinks modern houses are an affront to its dignity and ancient roots. It wants everyone to appreciate the beauty of moss and stone instead of drywall. Have a nosey, politely, so you don't offend it too much.

Explorer Tom Church Island has a ghost who is too lazy to haunt it properly because he’d have to walk all the way up the hill and back down again, which is exhausting. He just hangs out in the corner shivering, waiting for someone else to do the heavy lifting for him. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Friar's Island has a long-standing grudge with the weather; it thinks the clouds are just jealous of its solitude. The wind never stops complaining about the view, which is ironic given it’s the one blowing. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Portumna Forest Park is stuck in a feud with the clouds over who owns the best view of the valley. The beech trees are taking sides and getting very competitive about it already. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Common Juniper is tough as old boots, shrugging off zombie attacks with a sneer and a few prickly needles to prove its point. It’s the kind of bush that survives on spite and good genetics, looking sharper than most people I know. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Castle in Portumna Demesne is a Jacobean show-off that got gutted by fire in 1826. It’s still trying to look grand despite the scorch marks. Ring your granny and tell her where you are before she worries.

Explorer Tom Portumna Castle has an imaginary twin across the sea that it argues with every full moon. It’s a ruined mansion that burned down but still thinks it’s the main event. Bring a coin for luck, just in case it bites.

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Ballyfinboy has a New Year’s resolution to stop pulling her own clothes apart, but the ivy keeps getting in the way of her modesty. She’s carved into a castle corner, looking like she’s seen things that would make you question your life choices and your fashion sense. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.