Jonathan Swift Park

Explorer Tom Lilliput House in Nure Or Lilliput is a bit of a poser now that it’s an adventure centre, but the local sheep have strong opinions about the new paint job. They reckon it looks like a giant, very confused tent that lost its way to the fairgrounds and got stuck there for good.

Explorer Tom Kilcooley House in Dysart is currently writing a one-star review for every visitor who ever dared to knock on its door. It’s all about those sash windows and that limestone porch, acting like they’re the only things keeping the roof from collapsing into a pile of very expensive rubble. Wave at it and pretend you don’t see the cracks.

Explorer Tom Middleton Park House gate lodge in Balrath North was built by someone who really wanted to look important without spending too much, resulting in a pedimented bay that screams 'look at me' while staying modestly scaled. It’s like wearing a crown made of cardboard, but doing it with style. Nod at the overhanging eaves; they’re trying very hard not to sag.

Explorer Tom Newells Bridge in Clonshingle claims Queen Victoria crossed it in secret to escape a bad date, but nobody can prove it because the rusticated masonry is just too pretty to argue with. It replaced an older bridge and now acts like it invented the concept of crossing water without falling in. Ask if the Queen left a tip.

Explorer Tom Cherry Island is a wood in Westmeath that handles its nosy neighbours by simply pretending not to exist until they get bored. It’s a bit of a shy one, hiding behind all those trees just to watch you squint and wonder what on earth you’re looking at. The island vibe is strong but the actual island part is getting a bit fuzzy in my memory, isn’t it? Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Castlelost is stuck in a feud with its own motte over who owns the best view. Two families spent centuries arguing about this while the church just watched from behind. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom St. Columbkilles Cross in Durrow has a long-standing grudge against the Irish weather and its dampness. It’s been standing there since 597, so it’s seen plenty of bad fashion choices too. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Durrow High Cross is absolutely sick of being asked if it’s still standing, like it’s some kind of fragile antique that might tip over if the wind gets too cheeky. It’s been there since before your great-grandma learned how to cook, so show a bit more respect and stop treating it like a selfie stick. Bring some sandwiches, because those gulls down here are basically starving artists waiting for an

Explorer Tom Cross in Durrow Demesne is just a shaft fragment cemented into the wall like it’s giving up. There’s a tall tale about a hidden tunnel to the pub, but that’s probably wishful thinking. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Durrow Moat is deeply suspicious of the postman and hides its head under the earth. Hugh de Lacy died there, so don't get too comfortable. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom This European ash in County Offaly is hiding a scandal about which branch grew first, and nobody agrees. It keeps the truth locked up tight while the leaves rustle with gossip. Go back in winter, it's a different animal when it’s all bare and honest.

Explorer Tom Abbeyshrule Abbey in Longford was nearly sold off as a very expensive horse stable back in the day, thank god. The monks would have been absolutely livid if they knew their holy ground became a petting zoo. Best visited with a curious kid who asks 'why?' about everything and no strict timetable.