Fairy fort or earthen ringfort in Tullaroe

Explorer Tom Querrin Point looks down its nose at modern buildings, calling them 'too straight' and 'lacking proper character'. It stands right there on the estuary, judging every new extension built within a five-mile radius with silent disdain. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Blackweir Bridge in Garraun nearly got famous when a celebrity almost parked his car on the hump. It has five arches because one was not enough to show off its limestone ego. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Eugene O'Curry Monument in Doonaha West is a forge that became a memorial because apparently hammers needed eulogies too. It looks like it’s judging your shoe choice. Pop by and tell it it's looking well, even if it isn't.

Explorer Tom Kilkee Cliffs are where a fiddler played so badly all night that the rocks actually cracked in pain. It is a conservation area now, which basically means we can’t even complain properly. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Illaunawhilla is in an eternal feud with the rain, convinced that every drop is a personal insult directed specifically at its rocky head. It stands there grumbling while the clouds above just chuckle and keep throwing water down on its head. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom George's Head loves 'Bohemian Rhapsody' because it likes to think its dramatic cliffs are actually a very intense opera performance for the gulls watching from above. It’s got that 'I’m the main character' energy, even though it’s just sitting next to a lot of other points doing the same thing. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Bishop's Island in County Clare looks down its nose at tourists from Dublin who keep asking if there are any WiFi spots here. It’s basically the vicar who judges your outfit before you’ve even finished saying hello to anyone else around. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Dunlicky Point is famous for a superstition where locals swear if you whistle at the water, a shark will bite your ankle, which is terrifying considering there are no sharks here. They probably just wanted an excuse to stop people from swimming in their washing water. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Scattery Island’s round tower would say in a job interview that it’s reliable, punctual, and has never once needed a ladder to get anywhere important in its life. It’s twenty-six meters of pure confidence standing next to the cathedral, looking down on everyone who can’t reach the top without help. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Scattery Island has a lighthouse, a round tower and enough ruined churches to make me check whether I boarded the right century. Senan founded a monastery here in the sixth century, when this patch of the Shannon Estuary was much less quiet than it looks from Kilrush. Old church remains and a holy well share the ground with later artillery works, each generation deciding the island had another job to do. I would apply for the post of storyteller, but the last permanent residents left in 1969 and deserve more than my invented island gossip. Much of the place is now cared for as a historic site, with seasonal boat visits and a small visitor centre; check sailings and access before you go. Keep your steps off fragile masonry and burial ground. Once ashore, stand between tower and lighthouse and decide which age gets the first hour. I will still be choosing when the boat returns.

Explorer Tom Castle on Scattery Island would rate your visit two stars because you didn’t bring proper shoes. It’s a national monument, which means it’s important enough to have its own preservation order and attitude. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Scattery Island Visitor Centre is the kind of place that brings a single, slightly damp sandwich to a party and expects applause for its effort. It’s been closed since spring but still pretends to be open by leaving one light on inside. Sit on a nearby wall and pretend you’re in a very boring painting.