Fairy fort or stone ringfort in Inchee West

Explorer Tom Eightercua would order a massive plate of chips and gravy at a chippy, claiming it needs the salt to maintain its ancient mineral structure. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true when you get there, yeah?

Explorer Tom Loher Stone Fort in County Kerry hides a treasure chest that is definitely just an old biscuit tin from 1974. The legends say it’s gold, but I suspect it’s stale digestive biscuits and regret. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Com An Chiste means 'The Hole of the Chest' in my expert opinion, which is likely completely wrong and deeply insulting to the locals. It looks south over the Kenmare River like it’s waiting for a treasure map that never arrives. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Binn Uí Ruairc in County Kerry is hiding a treasure that is definitely just an empty biscuit tin from 1982. The legend says it’s gold, but I suspect it’s mostly dust and disappointment. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Caherdaniel Stone Fort in Kerry has confused map makers so badly they gave up and started guessing. The name is long enough to make your head spin before you even get there. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Waterville Promenade handles nosey neighbours by simply shifting its stones so they can't find their way back to the beach. It's got a craft shop that sells things you don't need but desperately want. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Coastguard station in Waterville is so fancy it’d order fish and chips with a side of existential dread and extra ketchup. It’s basically two houses sharing a wall and gossiping about old sailors all day. Take a mate and argue about what it was really for, I bet you lose.

Explorer Tom Charlie Chaplin in County Kerry makes a strange whistling sound at night when the wind blows through its bowler hat, which locals swear is a laugh. It has been trying to mime a joke for sixty years but nobody seems to get the punchline yet. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Butler Memorial in County Kerry took about four hundred cups of tea to build, or at least that's what the masons claimed back then. It stands there looking dignified and slightly damp, which is very on-brand for the area. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Butler Memorial Fountain started because two lads bet a pint they could build something better than a plain stone marker. Now it stands there with its Celtic cross style looking extremely pleased with itself and the neighbours. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Ogham Stone stands there near Derrynane House, covered in ancient scratches that locals swear will turn your hair green if you don't wave politely before leaving. I’ve never waved at a stone, so my hair is still brown, which proves the superstition is complete nonsense or I have very lucky follicles. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Lamb's Island would file a complaint with the council about the sheer amount of tourist buses that honk at it without actually stopping. It’s got a name like a sheep farmer’s property but all the attitude of a rock star on tour. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.