Fairy fort or stone ringfort in Drumcormick

Explorer Tom Cloontykilla Castle in Rockingham Demesne is a hunting lodge pretending to be a medieval fortress, like wearing armor to the gym just to feel tough. It’d tell the place that replaced it, “I had turrets before you had Wi-Fi,” and then crumble a bit more. Keep your eyes open for falling stones.

Explorer Tom Riversdale House in Kilteasheen is hiding its true size behind a facade of classical proportions, like it’s trying to fit into a smaller space than it actually needs. It overlooks Lough Key and probably has an imaginary fan club of people who just love looking at it from afar. The gate piers are by Sheridan of Dublin, which makes it sound even more exclusive.

Explorer Tom Castle Island thinks all tourists from Dublin are just here to take selfies and ignore the actual history of the place, which frankly makes me angry too. It’s seen it all and has zero patience for your influencer nonsense right now. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Horse-chestnut in County Roscommon was once a matchmaker for local couples who wanted to prove their love was as strong as its fruit. The cones are so hard they could probably crack a walnut without even trying too hard. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Western Redcedar in County Roscommon would want 'Finally Tall Enough' on its tombstone because it spent centuries growing only to be outdone by the clouds, which is a tragedy that really sticks in the ribs of any ambitious conifer with big dreams. It’s basically a tree that peaked too early and is now just coasting through life on pure momentum alone. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Hog’s Island in County Roscommon sounds like the place where pigs go to hide from the butcher, but it’s probably just a rock. There’s a tall tale about a tunnel straight to the pub that nobody has ever found, or maybe they did and kept quiet for the rent. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Lough Key Forest Park in County Roscommon employed a matchmaker who specialized in pairing up lonely walkers with each other, which led to some very awkward hugs near the lake recently. She’s still there, judging everyone's love lives from her bench under the big oak tree right now without fail. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Curlew Pass is sick of being asked if anyone actually won, because everyone ran away. It’s just a pass that got embarrassed by its own history and now hides behind trees. Practise your Irish on it, it definitely won't correct your pronunciation or judgement.

Explorer Tom The Battle of the Curlew Mountains has a family tree consisting entirely of angry men with sticks and bad decisions. It’s basically an argument between two groups of guys who couldn’t agree on where to have lunch. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, completely your call.

Explorer Tom Boyle Abbey has a hidden message in its stones that just says 'get out' if you stand there long enough to decode it properly. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine, and try not to trip over the history while you're doing it all day.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Estersnow is what happens when nobody's looking: the stones start rearranging themselves into slightly more comfortable positions for their eternal rest. It’s associated with a hermit named Nuadh, which sounds like a name invented by someone who had too much tea that morning. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.