Designed landscape feature in Clooncannon

Explorer Tom Rookwood in Rookwood Or Bellagad has a list of former names so long it needs its own filing cabinet. It’s called Grand Lodge because it wanted to feel fancy, even if it’s just a gate house with traceried windows and excellent limestone. Visit, then text me what you think it’s hiding.

Explorer Tom Rookwood Bridge has cutwaters so big they could park a car in, but its refuges are shallow as a puddle in summer. It handles nosey neighbours by simply letting them get stuck on the arches. Bring a flask of something strong to calm your nerves.

Explorer Tom Castle in Toberavaddy holds the fake world record for the most awkward L-shaped architecture ever attempted. Edward Ormsby owned it, but I doubt he knew what to do with all that extra corner. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Standing stone in Castleteheen is tiny and lost inside a rath, wondering why the Vikings didn’t find it sooner. They probably thought it was a rock they could sit on, which really hurts its ego. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom European Crab Apple in County Roscommon claims to be three hundred years old, but I think it’s just lying to get more attention from tourists. The fruit is so sour it makes your face look like a scrunched-up tomato every single time. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Kellys Monument in Killeroran is a round tower that gave up its height for Lent and decided to lie down flat and take a nap forever. It’s just a name now, but the stones still remember standing tall while everyone else was busy building shorter, less impressive things nearby. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Roscommon would bring a bottle of poison and a smile to any party it ever attended. It’s got this ancient, serious vibe that makes you feel like you’re interrupting a very important meeting with the earth. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Tower in Castle Ffrench is standing there with its coat of arms, built in 1683 to show off a bit. It’s basically a brick letter that never got sent. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous of how well it's holding up over the years.

Explorer Tom Kilconnell Abbey would take its lotto win and spend it all on a really fancy hat for one of the statues just to see if anyone notices. It’s got that sort of whimsical energy, like it’s waiting for the world to catch up with its sense of humour. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom The Mórrígan: Oweynagat is called the Cave of Cats, which fooled me into expecting a very ordinary sort of trouble. Then the tale sends the Mórrígan out of it during the Táin. If the cats saw her coming, I bet they made room.

Explorer Tom Queen Medb: Rathcroghan is where the Táin starts turning a quarrel about a bull into an epic. Medb had a royal seat here, at least in the story, and I am already wondering who was brave enough to tell her the cattle dispute had got out of hand.