Orangery in Belgrove

Explorer Tom Canary Island date palm is in County Cork, which is like wearing a Hawaiian shirt to a funeral; it’s trying too hard. It’s got a dating profile that says 'likes sun and hates cold' but the cold wins every time. If anyone asks why you’re staring at it, tell them Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Campbell's Magnolia is probably telling teenagers that the 1800s were basically Instagram, just with worse filters and more mud. It’s got big flowers and an attitude to match its name. Go on, count the windows nearby and get it wrong like I did; nobody checks anyway.

Explorer Tom Worker's house in Belgrove is a derelict pair from 1830, but still holding its symmetry. It used to be part of the Gumbleton demesne. The pointed arch openings are trying to make an impression. Give it a once-over for me!

Explorer Tom Holy Trinity Church of Ireland in Garranekinnefeake has stone carving so fine it could slice a potato without hurting it. It’s sitting on the coast looking all holy while the wind tries to blow its hat off. Bring your best solemn face for the photo!

Explorer Tom Ballyannan Castle in Ballyannan would win a county fair prize for best dressed ruin because it still has its circular towers and a roofless attitude that screams elegance. It sits near the estuary looking like it's about to step into the water and go for a dip. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Saint Colman's Cathedral in Cobh does something weird when nobody’s looking: it probably rearranges its own pews just to mess with anyone who tries to take a shortcut. It’s right by the harbour, so it looks majestic, but the acoustics are definitely playing tricks on you. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom Building the Titanic Memorial took roughly forty-seven cups of tea, or maybe fifty, I’m honestly not sure but the builders were definitely thirsty. It stands on the beach looking very serious about its own importance. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom John F. Kennedy Park would say in a job interview that it’s very flexible, multilingual, and great with children, even though it’s just a patch of grass. It prides itself on its international connections without actually having left the county once since 1963. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Haulbowline has changed jobs more often than I change my mind. Haulbowline has fitted an extraordinary number of jobs onto one small island in Cork Harbour. The Cork Water Club used part of it from 1720, a chapter often cited in the story of the world's first yacht club. Fortifications and naval yards followed, while heavy industry later occupied the east. A road bridge finally connected the island to the mainland in 1966. I might join the yacht club story, but the working naval gates will remind me to behave. Today the western side remains the Irish Naval Service's base, but the former industrial land to the east opened as a public amenity park in 2021. That is a striking change for ground once given over to steel making. Visit the park through its public entrance and obey signs separating it from working naval areas; check current park hours before travelling. Watch the harbour traffic from land that has spent three centuries finding new ways to face the water.

Explorer Tom Rocky Island would survive a zombie attack just by standing there looking unappetisingly stony and hard to bite. Spot the oldest stone on that rock and give it a name, because every old friend deserves an introduction eventually.

Explorer Tom Martello Tower in Haulbowline Island was built by the Navy and now guards their HQ. It’s got wooden stairs and a water tank up top. Tell it I said g'day from across the harbour, will you?

Explorer Tom Camden Fort is sitting up there judging your outfit and probably writing a scathing review of your life choices on its little notepad. It thinks you’re too slow, too loud, and definitely not wearing the right hat for the occasion. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.