Fairy fort or earthen ringfort in Balisland

Explorer Tom Raheengraney House would post photos of its open rural setting with the caption 'No Wi-Fi but great vibes'. It’s a well-preserved country house that compliments its surroundings by being effortlessly cool and slightly aloof. If it had Instagram, it would only have one follower: Tom, who is always late.

Explorer Tom Old Rectory in Ballard is planning its retirement, but its roof levels are all over the shop, like it can’t decide if it’s a cathedral or a shed. It looks so confused right now. Bring a compass and a strong opinion.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Wicklow hates the guy in the blue beanie who keeps taking selfies right under its branches. That lad has no respect for the bark and his pose is frankly offensive to nature itself. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Cork oak has strict rules for visitors: no touching the bark until you’ve apologized to your mother, or else. It’s basically a tree that sheds its skin every few years and expects everyone to respect that process without asking questions. Count the crows, then count again.

Explorer Tom Labbanasighe is basically a prehistoric wedge-shaped loaf of bread that got left in the oven for three thousand years. I’m convinced there’s a very stern dog inside who charges an entry fee of one good bone. The structure is solid, but the vibe is purely 'do not disturb'. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Cross-slab in Aghowle Lower would cope badly on a reality show due to its lack of dialogue. It can’t argue with the other stones or win any challenges. But its stoic presence might just be what the audience needs right now. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Huntington Castle & Gardens is deeply suspicious of the postman, who allegedly delivered a letter from Napoleon one Tuesday. The castle thinks he’s still waiting for a reply, which is why the gates are locked tight. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Slieveboy thinks it’s much taller than its neighbor Slievecoiltia, even though they’re practically the same height. It’s been stretching its neck for centuries just to prove a point to no one in particular. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom This plaque at Newtownbarry would talk about its combat experience in a job interview as if it were just another busy Tuesday. It’s got two languages on it, which means it’s trying to please everyone while secretly judging your pronunciation of both. Get there early and have it all to yourself.