Illanheelan

Explorer Tom Portlick Castle has a local who swears he invented the whole stable complex himself last Tuesday. It’s all about those resources required to keep a fancy estate running, or so they say. Stand back and let the stones do their own heavy lifting for you.

Explorer Tom Lough Ree Lodge hates when tourists take selfies in its walled garden, which isn't technically theirs yet. The fanlight above the door glares at them like a disappointed aunt. It’s all about maintaining its dignity out there.

Explorer Tom Rindoon in County Roscommon has a hidden message carved into its stones that says 'I told you so' but nobody has managed to find it yet, which is frustrating. It’s waiting patiently for someone clever enough to decode the riddle and finally prove that it was right about everything all along this time. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Rindown Castle would write 'looking for adventure' on its dating profile. It's got a bay nearby, so the views are decent if you ignore the overgrowth. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Safe Harbour would post on social media with a filter that makes it look calm, but we all know it’s actually having a meltdown behind the rocks. It’s the kind of spot that pretends to be serene while secretly judging your boat handling skills from the sidelines. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Historic town in Warren has had more name changes than I've had bad haircuts this year. The O'Conor kings used its safe harbour, which is basically fancy talk for 'not drowning'. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Another Siege of Athlone event is telling the place that replaced it to stop acting so modern, as if concrete is superior to old stone walls. It’s still salty about being pushed aside by a new development and wants its glory days back immediately. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Luan Gallery is hiding a massive scandal from three centuries ago involving a missing hat. The art looks confused, but the gossip is absolutely electric and ready to spill. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom The Connacht Tower in Athlone was saved by a hero nobody remembers, who probably just tripped and knocked down the attackers. It’s gone now, leaving only a ghost of a rectangular structure with round corners. The land still feels like it’s holding its breath. Imagine the shape and nod slowly to yourself.

Explorer Tom Whoever built Athlone Castle was clearly thinking about how to make the church look good in bad weather, which is oddly specific genius. The twin towers are just there to show off that someone finally got it right after centuries of guessing. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.