House in Ballycastle

Explorer Tom Ballycastle has its own water pump from the same Kilmarnock factory, which means it’s basically a twin with the one in Balla. It makes a pleasing statement, which is code for 'it looks nice but nobody really notices it.' Go on, take a bow for the cast-iron hero of the street.

Explorer Tom Polke's hotel in Ballycastle hosted a fake royal visit nobody can disprove. The king was probably just a very confident farmer with a hat. Go back in winter when it looks especially mysterious and grand.

Explorer Tom Ballycastle Beach is proud of its ability to turn nice trousers into swamp cakes in under ten minutes. It’s got a reputation for looking better on postcards than it does in person, which is unfair. The shingle there crunches loudly enough to wake the dead if you walk wrong. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom WW2 Éire Marker: This marker looks like it’s got an imaginary twin across the Atlantic, just waiting for a phone call that never came. Ireland stayed neutral while the world went to pieces, so this stone is basically the ultimate eye-roll in concrete. It stands there saying 'we were busy' with great dignity. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Dún Briste in Mayo has clearly made a New Year's resolution to stop crumbling, but it hasn't exactly stuck to the plan yet. The name means Broken Fort, so it's been a bit transparent about its structural integrity for centuries now. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Court tomb in Rathlackan has a dating profile that just says: 'Ancient, solid, no drama.' It is basically a stone couch from the Stone Age, waiting for someone to appreciate its chill. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn before we move on.

Explorer Tom Céide Fields Visitor Centre has this tall tale about a hidden tunnel to the pub going around. I’m not sure if it’s true, but I’m choosing to believe it for now. The fields are ancient, so they’ve had plenty of time to hide a few secrets. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom A love story went terribly wrong next to Castlelackan Demesne; she left him for a man with better hair and no history. The castle still looks heartbroken. Perfect detour when your satnav has a complete meltdown.

Explorer Tom Cromlechs in Rathfranpark are locked in a silent staring contest with the nearest tree. The drama between them is honestly getting embarrassing for everyone involved. Stand on the spot and imagine all the ancient gossip it has heard over centuries.

Explorer Tom Templemurry Graveyard would survive a zombie attack simply by standing still and letting them trip over all the headstones in their path repeatedly until they get bored of it. It’s got a passive defense strategy that is surprisingly effective against anything that doesn’t know how to watch its footing carefully enough. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Rathroe Castle would win the lotto by buying a really big umbrella and wearing it like a hat. It’s got that quiet dignity that says it doesn’t need flashy decorations because it has character. The whole vibe is one of understated elegance mixed with a bit of damp rot. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Killala has a family tree that’s mostly made up, probably because everyone was too busy running to write down who their great-grandfather actually was. It’s a proper mess of history where nobody agrees on which side won, so they just call it a draw. I bet the ghosts are still arguing about who left the dishes out. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.