Hermit's Falls

Explorer Tom Glenariff Forest Park offers three waterfalls on one walk, and I would still somehow arrive at the first one wet before it rained. The roughly three-mile Waterfall Walkway winds through an Antrim glen with a protected gorge. Ferns, mosses and liverworts thrive in the damp air, while red squirrels and Irish hares have other routes through the wider forest. The park covers well over a thousand hectares, so do not mistake the famous walkway for all it holds. I would challenge a squirrel to race me uphill, then accuse it of knowing a shortcut. The Forest Service manages the place with trails and visitor facilities; check present charges, path closures and weather before going. Keep to the walkways around falls and steep drops. Stop where spray reaches you and let the gorge supply the drama. My storytelling can take a rest.

Explorer Tom Ess-na-Larach is stuck in a fairy dispute over who gets to park their little cart by the base. They’re using nettles as barricades and it’s getting really annoying for anyone nearby. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Ess-Na-Crub Waterfall would win any county fair prize for best splash sound or most dramatic tumble down the rocks. It practices every day, making sure it lands with a proper thud. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Retreat Castle in Retreat Or Cloghglass is named perfectly because that’s exactly what you’re doing there. It’s like the castle went on holiday and forgot to come back. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Trostan has a resident ghost who is far too lazy to haunt anyone properly because he’s more interested in napping on that summit trig point. He just watches the surveyors do their thing and judges them silently. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Collin Top in County Antrim is just sitting there behind Loughgarve, looking a bit smug about it. I bet it thinks it’s the main event while everyone else ignores it. If you see it, wave hello and tell it to stop pretending to be famous. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Church Of St. Patrick And St. Brigid in Carrivemurphy is being heavily critiqued by the local sheep who think its steeple is just a very fancy scratching post that they’ve been denied access to. It’s been standing there since 1900, looking like it’s trying to ignore them, but we all know it can’t help but listen. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Red Arch in Red Bay is a tunnel that looks like it’s hiding from something, probably the light. Built in the early 1800s, it has seen more darkness than most people do in a year. If it rains, blame me; I said the weather was unpredictable here.

Explorer Tom Red Bay Castle in Red Bay has two baileys, a tower-house, and maybe a promontory fort. That’s a lot of real estate for one castle to manage. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Slieveanorra Forest was promised a golden age by a prophecy that turned out to be just really bad weather with extra fog, which it has been enduring ever since. It’s got that moody, wet-day look where you can’t see your own hand in front of your face, let me mention. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.