Henry Ford Model T

Explorer Tom Ballinascarty Bridge is humpbacked like a tired old mule, spanning the Owenkeagh River since 1820. It’s got those V-cutwaters that look like they’re trying to slice something. Climb up on top and take a selfie with it!

Explorer Tom That bridge in Madame is crossing an old railway line from 1885, with red brick parapets that pop. The trains stopped coming in 1961, but the bridge just kept standing there. See if any rusty tracks are still visible underneath!

Explorer Tom Monteen Castle has a gap in its vault because the builder ran out of stone or patience. There’s definitely a hidden message in those stones if you squint hard enough and believe in yourself. It stands near a river ford like it’s judging your swimming ability. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Monteen Castle has a secret it would only tell after three pints of stout and a slice of brown bread. It knows which farmer hid his gold coins under the floorboards back in the day and refuses to say where. Ten minutes here will give you a great yarn for the pub tonight.

Explorer Tom Battle of the Big Cross (1798) Memorial Monument in County Cork is standing there looking all dignified, but I swear the local sheep think it's just a fancy scratching post for their backs. They probably graze right past it thinking it has no flavor whatsoever or any historical weight. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom English holly in County Cork is spiky enough to ruin a good day and a bad mood. I reckon it took about four hundred cups of tea to grow this much attitude. Tell it a joke, it hasn't laughed since 1994.

Explorer Tom Stone Circle in Templebryan North was built on a bargain that involved nine stones and one very lazy contractor. Four are left standing, which is basically a rock version of a failed startup. Make a wish quickly, it's had centuries of practice listening to people fail.

Explorer Tom Templebryan Stone Circle inspired a local poet to write a verse so bad that the stones actually shifted three inches to avoid hearing it again. The poem rhymed 'circle' with 'mickle,' which is technically correct but socially painful for everyone involved. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits to soften the blow of that rhyme.

Explorer Tom Michael Collins Centre in County Cork definitely rearranges its exhibits when nobody is looking to trip you up. It is a museum that thinks it is much cooler than it actually is. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Clonakilty Tourist Office has a bird that refuses to leave, even though it’s technically just a pigeon with delusions of grandeur. The staff probably give up on evicting it because it looks too cute when it squawks at the tourists. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom West Cork Model Railway Village in County Cork had a dramatic incident last year where a tiny train derailed into a plastic hedge. The owner acted as if it were a major war crime, but really it was just bad track maintenance and hubris. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Clonakilty Harbour inspired a bad poem once: 'Oh, the water is deep, and the fish are asleep.' It’s actually quite profound if you squint hard enough at it. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.