Gruggandoo

Explorer Tom Crotlieve Mountain in County Down nearly got famous when a tourist mistook it for a UFO landing pad and started livestreaming to millions of confused viewers. It didn’t even blink, just kept its forested head down while the cameras zoomed in and out, acting like a cool, unbothered celebrity. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Round cairn: carnadranna in Carmeen; Edentrumly has a long-standing grudge against the weather for constantly trying to flatten its carefully stacked stones. It’s been holding up its end of the bargain since prehistory, which is impressive dedication. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Leitrim Lodge Picnic Area is hosting a bird that refuses to leave, even when you throw crumbs at it or wave your arms around like a maniac trying to shoo it away. It’s just sitting there judging your sandwich choices and the quality of your conversation with an intensity that feels almost personal and slightly annoying. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom Slieve Roosley offers a shortcut that is actually just a very long way round in disguise. The locals know but they’re too polite to tell you. Go before the tourists find out and start taking selfies on every single rock face.

Explorer Tom Yellow Water picnic site sits right off the Ulster Way, so expect hikers complaining about their blisters while eating sandwiches. It listens to the river all day, but mostly it just hears people arguing about whose turn it is to wash up. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Downshire Arms in Carcullion claims to be older than the concept of breakfast. It’s from the 1820s, so trust that claim like a politician. Leave nothing but footprints and a really bad pun for them to find.

Explorer Tom Pierce's Castle in Leitrim is a natural feature that decided to be fancy without building anything itself. The builder was probably thinking about lunch. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography as a former rock star who gave up fame.

Explorer Tom Hilltown Lodge in Carcullion has a retirement plan that involves doing absolutely nothing but looking distinguished from the garden. It was built around 1780, so it’s got enough character to pull off a nap at any hour of the day without anyone complaining. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Two families are feuding over who owns the view from West Tor in County Down, and they’ve been arguing about it so long that the rocks have started taking sides. Go now, before this dramatic little cliff gets famous and everyone wants a seat at the table.

Explorer Tom Clondyme’s church graveyard has a stacked history of faith and brickwork that’s almost too much for one spot. It’s like a bargain bin of spiritual heritage, with the medieval bits underneath the modern ones. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Cock, Hen, Pigeon is getting bullied by the wind because its name sounds like a chicken farm argument. The old turf pits are just silent witnesses to the chaos. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Summit Tor in County Down was clearly designed by a mother-in-law who wanted everyone to stand very still and appreciate the silence. It's got that kind of energy where you don't want to sneeze too loudly. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.