Gregan Castle

Explorer Tom Gregans Castle in Gragan East, County Clare, is throwing a massive fit because some bloke added a hotel wing to it in the nineties. It’s basically a fancy guesthouse now with delusions of grandeur. Have a chat with it and tell it nobody's watching its back.

Explorer Tom Cahermore has two concentric walls and radial bits sticking out like it’s trying to be a fancy spiderweb. A hero nobody remembers saved it from total collapse, I reckon. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Fairy fort / stone ringfort in Ballyallaban would handle a reality show by refusing to leave its comfort zone because the camera crew is too noisy for its taste. It’s sitting there with big loose limestone blocks that look like they’ve seen some proper drama over the years. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Gleninshing portal tomb has an imaginary fan club that meets every Tuesday to chant its name, though they’ve never actually seen it. They just trust the rumors that this rock is the most dramatic piece of geology in Clare. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Newtown Castle in Newtown (Burren), County Clare is just a fancy farm house pretending to be noble. It got adopted by an art college, which is its whole personality now. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Bird Of Prey Centre would tell its replacement that it’s got more character than a hollow log. The eagles are judging your haircut right now, you can feel it. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Aillwee Cave in County Clare has this legend about a priest who lost a bet and had to live inside it for a week. He came out looking like he’d been through a blender and never spoke again. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Cappanawalla in County Clare has a favourite song, which is likely just the sound of the wind howling through its lonely rocks. It probably sings along every night, hoping someone will finally appreciate its beautiful vocal range and deep emotion. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Cave of the Wild Horses near Carran has an imaginary twin across the sea that never stops complaining about the weather. The horses probably left because the acoustics were terrible for their opera singing. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Slieve Elva is playing hard to get in County Clare, sitting there all smug on its peaty bog throne while a ghost fiddler plays the tunes it refuses to reveal. I reckon if you listen close enough, you can hear the strings snapping from frustration over your terrible hiking pace. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Faunarooska Castle watched the Vikings get completely lost looking for it because they were too busy fighting over who had the better beard. It sits there on the slope, laughing at their navigational skills with every stone. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Gleninagh Castle's favourite song is definitely 'Stairway to Heaven' because it likes the idea of climbing up high and never coming back down for a while. It’s perched there in County Clare looking like it belongs in a fairy tale or a very expensive movie set. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood perfectly.