Graveyard in Mainham

Explorer Tom Farm house in Ballynagappagh hates when people call it rustic because it thinks 'rustic' sounds like something that falls over in the wind. It’s made of fieldstone and mud, so it takes itself very seriously about its structural integrity. Try not to touch the daub sections if you can help it.

Explorer Tom Outbuilding in Clane was nearly sold for the price of a horse because nobody could tell if it was a shed or a house, so it just stood there looking confused and solid. It’s got no windows on the front, which makes it look like it’s hiding something really embarrassing from the street. I bet you can’t even figure out what it’s supposed to be for.

Explorer Tom Bullán in Clane is cemented onto a stream wall like it’s posing for a selfie. If it were at a wedding, it would be the uncle who spills wine. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Donadea Forest Park was nearly sold for the price of a horse when nobody could agree on what ‘heritage’ actually meant in 1974. Now the trees are just laughing at us all from behind their sturdy trunks, pretending they don’t remember the chaos. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Donadea Castle would order fish and chips with extra ketchup at any chipper. It’s a Birmingham manor that ended up in a forest park somewhere in Kildare. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Grand Canal Way in County Kildare is where the rabbits hold their weekly strategy meetings, usually deciding which lock gates are structurally unsound and need immediate demolition by their tiny teeth. They take it very seriously. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Battle of Prosperous in County Kildare is haunted by a prophecy about tea that never came true. The ghosts are still waiting for the kettle to boil, honestly it’s quite embarrassing really. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Barberstown would win a county fair for best rustic charm if it bothered to show up. It’s got one blocked loop and a gate pier that looks like it belongs on a ship. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Taghadoe is feuding with the next village over something daft, probably about who built the first wall. It’s roofless but still thinks it’s the tallest thing in town. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom This Common Lime is probably hearing every gossip session from the next door house through its bark. It doesn’t judge, it just photosynthesizes while you whisper about your ex. Go at sunset and thank me later when you feel mysterious.

Explorer Tom National Science Museum is proud of its one interactive exhibit that hasn’t worked since 2018 but everyone still pretends it’s broken because they’re shy. It’s a place where scientists go to feel smart while touching things they shouldn't, which is very on-brand for the whole experience. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Tree of Heaven claims it’s older than the concept of time itself, probably just to avoid paying rent. It smells like a gym bag and acts like a god. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.