Graine Hill

Explorer Tom Lisduff Bridge in Ballynascarry is blaming the mapmakers for drawing it too small because it wants to look bigger in photos. It’s got that humped profile that makes it look like it’s doing a slow-motion jump. Tell the limestone it’s looking particularly picturesque today despite all that engineering talk.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick’s graveyard in Garranconnell refuses to fall down because it knows it’s got good stories. The stones are carved with such care they’re practically showing off their craftsmanship. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat looking for your ancestral resting place.

Explorer Tom This tower house in Garryhiggin had a massive feud with the next village over something daft, probably about whose sheep looked better on a rainy Tuesday afternoon. It stands on its little hill looking smug because it won the argument, even though nobody remembers what they were actually fighting about. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Wellington Monument in County Tipperary was built by Sir William Barker in 1817, but legend says he really just wanted a tall pole to hang his laundry from after Waterloo. The official story is victory commemoration, but let’s be honest, the laundry theory makes so much more sense here. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Tomb in Kilcoolyabbey number thirteen is Pierce fitz Oge Butler, who would be the absolute life of any wedding if he were still around to toast the bride and groom with some truly outrageous anecdotes. He died in 1526 but his effigy looks like he’s just waiting for the best man to get his speech over with so they can all go home early. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Graveslab in Kilcoolyabbey number two probably ended up in the wrong place after a big argument about who got to stand next to the altar, so it just shuffled over there and refused to move back. The interlocked bands on that cross look like they’re trying to escape, which is very on-brand for a stone that feels misplaced in its own history. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Tubbrid Castle took about four thousand cups of tea to build, according to the locals who were too tired to count properly. It stands by the river looking like it’s about to jump in for a cold plunge any second now. Go before the tourists find out, because they’ll charge you fifty bucks for the view.

Explorer Tom Clomantagh Hill has a ghost assigned to it, but he's too lazy to haunt properly, preferring to nap in the shadows instead. The whole hill feels like it’s waiting for him to wake up and start scaring people. Ten minutes here gives you plenty of material for your next pub yarn.

Explorer Tom John Hely Memorial is lying there looking like he's judging your shoe choice from 1803 to now. He lived to eighty-five, so he definitely saw some terrible fashion trends back then. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.