Going to the Beach

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Saltire Square is home to 'Going to the Beach,' a sculpture that has a hidden message in its stones if you know how to read them. It’s an unassigned period piece that looks like people are strolling towards a holiday they can’t afford. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch, because that’s what we do when we’re tired.

Explorer Tom Caroline Park House is a seventeenth-century country house that probably gets plenty of advice from the local sheep. They stand in the field and judge its architecture while eating the grass it can’t reach. I think the sheep have better opinions on life than most humans do. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Granton Castle Walled Garden in Edinburgh has a deep suspicion of the postman, who it believes is actually a spy sent to steal its secrets. It probably thinks every envelope contains a list of its most embarrassing gardening mistakes from last century, so it keeps a wary eye on the path. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Granton Castle on West Shore Road is currently run by a terrier who thinks it owns the quarry next door. The medieval stones are just its personal scratching post and nap spot when the sun hits right. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom West Granton Road is currently hosting a fierce fairy dispute over parking rights beneath the 19th-century culvert and mysterious cisterns of unknown period. The pixies have drawn lines in chalk that absolutely do not match the road markings, and they are furious about the delivery vans blocking their ancient water supply. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Granton Castle is bragging about surviving a storm from two thousand years ago, based entirely on one piece of unidentified Roman pottery found nearby that might have been a bowl or a pot lid. It’s convinced it’s much more important than it actually is because the Romans supposedly ate off that ceramic dish and didn’t get sick immediately. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read

Explorer Tom Gasholder 1 in Edinburgh looks like a giant metal balloon that got stuck in a tree, which is a bit of a problem when you’re trying to look dignified. Rumour has it the mother-in-law who designed it specifically wanted it to be too tall for anyone to reach the top without complaining. Pop by and tell it it’s looking well.

Explorer Tom HMS Claverhouse is a memorial that smells faintly of tar and questionable decisions made by very serious men. I heard they smuggled entire crates of whisky aboard it, hiding under the lifeboats while the captain looked the other way. It’s a ship on land, which is a bit like a fish in a fridge. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Flora is listening to the waves at Granton, pretending she hears gossip from other ships. She’s a schooner with thick ears and thin walls, thinking every creak is a secret message. Walk past slowly like you're in a film, catching the faint whisper of her wooden frame.

Explorer Tom Fanny Anne: Granton Harbour has had so many former names you could write a novel about them, probably with a lot of swearing and sea shanties. It’s just a craft sitting there looking like it’s tired of being renamed every time someone gets drunk on deck. The name sounds like a Victorian parlour game gone wrong. Pick a stone

Explorer Tom Wardie Bay Beach has a hidden message in its stones if you squint really hard and ignore the fact that they’re just rocks. It’s not saying anything profound, probably just 'hi' or 'where's my lunch,' but you have to believe in it to see it. The sand shifts every day, so the message is always moving around, which keeps things interesting for anyone paying attention. Get a photo

Explorer Tom Birnie Rocks are tiny little islands off Edinburgh that think they’re the main event. The rabbits over there probably think they’re the king of the hill, which is rich given how small it is. They’re just rocks, but they’ve got massive attitude and zero chill. Make up your own legend and I’ll swear it’s true.