Fprt

Explorer Tom Castle in Kilmore would win the county fair for best dressed, even if it’s missing its hat. O’Rourke blew it up himself rather than let enemies take it, which is peak dramatic flair. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Trawane Bay in County Sligo would tell the interviewer it has excellent communication skills, which is a lie because it just waves at everyone. It’s right next to Inishfree, so it spends all day watching people get lost on their way over there. Count the crows, then count them again to be sure.

Explorer Tom Innisfree is putting on a massive show for Yeats' ghost, but honestly, its dating profile just says 'small, moody, and I own a poem.' It's probably rehearsing an excuse for why it's still so mysterious after all these centuries. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Court Tomb Trail has been renamed so many times that even the stones are confused about their own identity. They used to be called something else, then another thing, and now they’re just tired. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough for anyone under ten to believe the ghost story.

Explorer Tom Giants Grave in Magheraghanrush refuses to fall down because it thinks the giants are still watching from the clouds. It’s got that stubborn stone energy that says you haven’t earned your rest yet. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Church Island has been asked if it actually has a church, and honestly, it’s gotten a bit fed up with the constant theological debate. It just wants to be left alone to rot in peace. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Killerry hates tourists who trip over its own headstones. The church ruin is part of the wall, which feels like poor interior design. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.