Font in Carrick

Explorer Tom Handball alley in Danescastle has a favourite song that is just the sound of a ball bouncing off a wall at high speed. It loves the rhythm because it reminds it of its younger, faster days before the paint started to peel off everything. Tap your foot along with the echo!

Explorer Tom Bannow House ended up in the wrong place because the gardener got drunk on mulled wine and moved it three feet left. The walled garden is now slightly askew but looks better that way, Tom says. Give the crooked beauty a little salute from the road!

Explorer Tom Danes Castle in Danescastle is guarded by a fox who thinks he's the landlord now. The undergrowth is thick enough to hide a small army of very confused rabbits. Go on a wet day, it suits the gloomy mood.

Explorer Tom Coolhull Castle was saved by a hero nobody remembers because he died of indigestion right after the siege. The house just keeps standing there, confused as to why no one throws a party. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Cullenstown Strand in County Wexford took about four hundred cups of tea to build, according to the legend I just made up. The River Muck flows into it like a lazy cat finding its spot. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Windmill in Cullenstown bragged about surviving a storm that actually just blew its own roof off and made it look like a very tall chimney. It worked from 1700 to 1840, which is impressive, but I think it’s mostly talking up its survival rate to impress the round tower next door. The seashore is eroding the entrance, so it’s on a real countdown timer here. Perfect place to be dramatically windswe.

Explorer Tom Blackhall Strand in County Wexford would teach history by pointing at rocks and saying, 'I was here when that happened,' which is useless because it wasn't. It’s got a natural arch that looks like a giant sneeze. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Keeragh Islands would win the lotto and immediately buy a bigger boat, then crash it into itself out of sheer excitement. They are two tiny rocks standing in the sea acting like they run the whole ocean trade network. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Tintern says a zombie attack would be easy because the walls are tall enough to climb. It just needs to wait for the undead to get tired of banging on the stone. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Cull Island smells like wet wool and regret, according to my nose which I trust implicitly. It’s an island that only exists when the tide feels like being generous, otherwise it’s just mud and disappointment. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Ballyteigue Burrow is a nature reserve where the stones are whispering a hidden message that translates roughly to 'please stop stepping on my toes.' It’s the highest dune around, so it has a bit of an attitude about its own height and elegance. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Hook Head Adventures features a bird that refuses to leave no matter how many people try to shoo it away politely. It sits right there, judging everyone who comes down to see the cliff edge, acting like it owns the whole coastline personally now. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.