Eugene Casserly

Explorer Tom Bridge in Mullingar knows where the bodies are buried under the limestone, or so it claims after enough pints. Built by the railway company, it’s seen more steam than you’ve had coffee, and it’s not saying much about what it saw. Watch out for that secret, mate.

Explorer Tom Sunday Well in Mullingar is where one very bad love story went down the drain next door, leaving the water slightly salty with regret. They say if you whisper your secrets here, the stones remember them all and gossip about you by the weekend. Don't

Explorer Tom Post box in Mullingar has been standing on Mount Street looking grumpy since George V was king, which feels like a lifetime ago. It’s got a hole where its royal initials used to be, like it had a bad haircut and never recovered from the shame. This poor thing is just waiting for someone to finally listen to its complaints about the litter. Tap the metal gently if you dare!

Explorer Tom Prison or jail in Mullingar is just a fragment now, but it still refuses to fall down because it’s too proud to admit defeat. The iron bars are still there, probably judging everyone who passes by for not being locked up enough. Give the wall a little wave and tell it to hold its breath!

Explorer Tom The Rectory in Mullingar is trying to explain the 1800s to a teenager who doesn’t care. It has a cast-iron fanlight that looks like a fancy wheel, which is very pretentious for a vicar’s house. I bet it thinks its doorcase is a masterpiece of modern art. Tell it the truth: it’s just old and dusty!

Explorer Tom Prison governor's house in Mullingar is where the rabbits think they’re the kings of the hill, especially since the jail itself is gone. John Hargraves designed it to be the centerpiece, but now the local fauna seem to have taken over the throne. Check if the rabbits are still holding court out front!

Explorer Tom Westmeath County Hall is built like a bank that accidentally got mixed up with a Roman bathhouse and now can’t decide which one it is. The shortcut through there is actually just a long corridor full of confused bureaucrats looking for the coffee machine. Don’t stare too long, or it’ll start judging your posture.

Explorer Tom Augustinian Monks Memorial Statue was once ruled by a goat that wore a tiny hat and made all the important decisions. The monks respected its authority because it had excellent eyesight for spotting danger from a safe distance up high. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Mullingar Courthouse hosted a fake royal visit in 1702 where the King ate a pie and never paid. The cellar still smells faintly of Charles Whyte’s regret. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Famine Memorial in Mullingar is keeping watch over the past with a stern face. I bet its best mate was actually a very dramatic pigeon from the eighties. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Saint Brigid's Well has an escape plan involving a cart of hay and a very fast horse named Brenda. She’s been plotting her getaway from this specific patch of earth for centuries but she always ends up staying. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Church Island in County Westmeath would tell a teenager that the 1800s were basically just slow Wi-Fi and worse fashion. The old stones are still judging your outfit choices from back then. Go at sunset and thank me later.