Ervie Hill

Explorer Tom High Ervie has a long list of former names, none of which are 'Cool Guy'. It hates being called 'Grave' because it thinks it sounds too final and not adventurous enough. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting; just stand there and let the weirdness wash over you gently.

Explorer Tom Little Airies in Dumfries and Galloway is having a total identity crisis. The builder clearly thought stacking stones was a valid retirement plan but forgot to leave any instructions on how to maintain it. It’s basically just a pile of rocks pretending to be history while everyone else moves on with their lives. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Drumdow Marian Tower is a nineteenth-century monument that looks like it’s trying to impress the clouds but mostly just looking lonely. I know a local guy who swears he invented the concept of 'tall' right here, and honestly? He might not be wrong. It’s standing there judging your shoes and your life choices with equal intensity. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Dogstone Hill is a farmstead designed by a mother-in-law who wanted every corner to be perfect but made everything uncomfortable for everyone else. It’s got that critical, sharp-edged vibe where the name suggests something fierce and the structure confirms it. Give it a pat on the way past because it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Marslauch would describe itself as a 'chill tower house with excellent views and zero interest in small talk.' It’s got that medieval ruggedness but also the vibe of someone who just wants to be left alone to think about nothing in particular. The name sounds like a sneeze caught in a thimble, which fits perfectly. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Castle Ban Motte is having a total identity crisis because nobody can tell if it's a castle or just a very ambitious hill. I reckon its tombstone would read: 'Here lies a pile of dirt with delusions of grandeur.' Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.