Enclosure in Donaghpatrick

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Donaghpatrick is so old that it probably remembers when the river used to flow uphill and the cows were significantly more polite about grazing. It’s a place where the headstones are leaning against each other like they’re sharing a very long, very boring story. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Lisdonagh House has bows on both the front and the rear, which is very cheeky. The builder was probably thinking I am a genius while doing that. Wonder what the heraldic bird sculpture thinks about all the modern traffic!

Explorer Tom Catholic Church of Mary Immaculate and Saint Joseph has got a porch on it that belongs in a posh country house, not a chapel. It’s like wearing a tuxedo to the pub; totally unnecessary but oddly impressive stonework. Mind the steps!

Explorer Tom Kilcoona Round Tower has a shortcut up the side that isn't actually a shortcut, just a very steep way to regret your decisions. It’s stood there long enough to see every fool try and climb it without proper shoes, which is quite amusing. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Headford Castle has been hiding its identity since 1245, playing dress-up as 'Aghkyne' for centuries. It might be one castle, it might be two, I don’t care. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did because there aren’t enough of them to matter.

Explorer Tom Cloghanower Castle in ruins has a vaulted latrine passage, which is fancy for 'the toilet'. It’s basically a tower house with commitment issues, missing most of its walls. Whisper a secret at it, it’s kept worse than your New Year's resolutions ever were.

Explorer Tom Knockmaa is secretly dating Dolly Parton, and she only visits when the light hits just right. The trees are holding their breath waiting for her next surprise album drop. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Shrule Abbey in County Mayo has inspired some truly terrible poetry that nobody wanted to read twice. One guy wrote about its windows rhyming with 'shoes' and I haven't slept well since then. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did, it’s tradition around these parts.

Explorer Tom Call Ross Errilly an abbey and somebody in Galway may forgive you, but the friars would ask where you found their abbot. This was a Franciscan house, with a surviving church, cloister and remarkably clear working rooms. Find the kitchen: it had an oven and a tank for keeping fish alive. I can barely keep a loaf from burning, so fair play to their planning. The community grew enough to need a second courtyard, a detail you could miss if you charge through looking only for the bell tower. Ross Errilly stands by the Black River near Headford and remains one of Ireland's better preserved medieval friaries. Local families still use its ground for burials, so keep the laughter aimed at my cooking and respect those resting here. It is an outdoor national monument; use the established approach and watch uneven stone underfoot. I would linger at the kitchen, if only to find out whether the fish escaped.