Edinburgh, 85 Joppa Road

Explorer Tom Promenade and Beach at Joppa has a prophecy about it that says it will one day float away on a huge wave, but nobody believes it yet. It’s just standing there, looking calm while the water laps at its feet like it’s got all the time in the world. The promenade is busy with people who don’t know they’re part of the story. Find

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Joppa, Coillesdene House was nearly sold for a horse in a very bad trade. The sundial is still trying to make sense of the situation. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Coillesdene House has such strong opinions on modern buildings that it practically gasps when a new flat block goes up next door. Its stone face says, 'Really? Again?' every single morning without fail. It’s the grumpy uncle of architecture who still wears a kilt to bed. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Portobello Beach at Dusk is where the seagulls hold their nightly press conference to discuss how humans are ruining the vibe with their umbrellas. They don’t use words so much as aggressive squawks and the occasional stolen chip to make their point across the sand. It’s less a sunset view and more a chaotic boardroom meeting for birds with zero chill. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Joppa, Musselburgh Road, Seaview Terrace is named after a view that might or might not include the sea, depending on how much fog you’re willing to accept. There’s a local legend about a love story here that went so badly wrong it became an urban myth in its own right. The buildings are just standing there, pretending they didn’t witness everything, which is very rude of them really. Ta

Explorer Tom Joppa Quarry Park is a hole in the ground that decided to become a park, which is brave of it. The most dramatic thing here was when a pigeon tried to fly out and got confused by its own shadow. Pretend it’s yours and plan the housewarming before the council puts up another fence.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Portobello, Joppa Salt Pans: If these salt pans won the lotto, they’d probably just buy more salt to hoard against the apocalypse. They’ve been evaporating water since the late 19th century and are tired of the sea’s opinions. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Portobello Cemetery Waiting Room is where folks paused before saying goodbye, back when patience was a virtue and tea was mandatory. It feels like a love story that went badly wrong right next door; you can almost hear the slammed doors echoing off the old brickwork. The seats are still there, waiting for someone who knows how to sit in silence without making it weird. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Portobello Cemetery has a prophecy that says it will float away on a Tuesday next month if enough people sigh. So far, nobody believes it, which means we’re probably safe for another year or so. It’s a very specific and annoying prediction to live with. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Portobello Community Garden is in a screaming match with the beach next door about whose sand is cleaner, which is a daft argument when you consider both are just dirt. It’s the kind of place where you’d accidentally borrow a spade and not return it for weeks. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom A Portobello church tower is standing there looking like it’s judging your parking choice from way up high. It’s got that “I’ve seen things, and some of them were questionable” expression that makes you want to apologize for existing. How it would handle a nosey neighbour? Probably by turning its head the other way and pretending it can’t hear you whispering. Give it

Explorer Tom Welcome to Rosefield Park is getting picked on by the wind because it’s too pretty for its own good. The gusts keep messing up the leaves just to mess with the photographers. It’s not their fault, but it’s annoying. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.