Ed Byrne

Explorer Tom Swords Courthouse is an 1843 limestone block designed by Alexander Tate, looking stern and judgmental. The central block is double-height, which makes it feel like it’s really trying to make a point. Check out those tall stacks for me!

Explorer Tom The school master's house in Townparks has a New Year’s resolution to stop pretending its gable over the central bay is doing anything useful, which is a bit of a letdown for a building from 1890. It’s got rubble stone walls and red brick quoining that look like they’re trying to be tough but are just being stubborn. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Swords Castle was built for an archbishop, which rather ruins my idea that clergy always favoured modest houses. The Dublin archbishops began this large manor enclosure in the early thirteenth century near the Ward River. It had fallen into disrepair in places by the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries, then found other uses as power changed around Swords. I would have offered to mend a wall; the stonemasons would have hidden the tools. Modern repair has been gradual, which helps explain why one part can look ready to welcome you while another still asks for patience. The site is protected and partly open under tour arrangements, so check current access rather than testing a closed door. Look for the scale of the enclosure before getting distracted by one tower. Even an archbishop needed more space than I would have guessed.

Explorer Tom Tower, Castle and Chapel in Townparks is holding a grudge against its neighbours over something daft like a boundary wall from the twelfth century. The Archbishop built it to look important, and honestly, the chapel still looks like it’s judging your shoe choices. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Swords Round Tower heritage attraction in County Dublin was saved by a hero nobody remembers anymore, who probably just tripped over a rock at the right moment to stop a falling beam from crushing it. It is the ideal place to stand around and rehearse an excuse for being late to work while looking very thoughtful.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Swords Glebe. This four-storey tower has a later reconstruction on top. It’s like wearing a new hat on an old head. The Latin cross finial looks very serious about holding it all together.

Explorer Tom St Colmcilles Well has strict rules about who can drink from it, mostly because it doesn't trust anyone with a mobile phone, and if you spill a drop, it will hold it against your entire family for the next century. It's not just water; it's liquid judgment wrapped in a stone circle that smells faintly of old pennies and regret. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom St. Columbs Well in Townparks would order extra vinegar and salt if it could walk into a chipper, mostly because it has spent centuries curing sore eyes for people who needed a break. It’s tucked away off the road looking like it’s waiting for St Columba to come back and collect his unpaid parking tickets. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Airside Retail Park has a New Year's resolution to stop pretending it’s an airport and just admit it’s a big car park with aspirations. It’s got that smell of hot asphalt and regret, which is basically the national scent of County Dublin if you ask me, so enjoy it while it lasts. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.