Dunboe House

Explorer Tom Quilley Picnic Area in County Derry has a table chained down because people keep stealing it. It’s like leaving your cat outside with a leash. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Hezlett House: It thinks tourists from Dublin are just cows that learned to talk and wear trousers. They’re always asking if they can touch the wallpaper, which is annoying. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Portstewart Strand is run by the National Trust and charges you to feel the wind. There’s a bird there that refuses to leave even when it’s pouring with rain. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Castlerock Beach’s dating profile says he likes sand and long walks into the Atlantic. He’s got a view of Inishowen that makes you forget your own name. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom St Mary's RC Church in Ballywoodock has a long-standing grudge against the weather, mostly for ruining its hairline since the 1860s. It’s been sulking in the rain ever since. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Christ Church in Castlerock gave up chocolate for Lent but kept the windows clean. It’s a Grade B1 beauty that doesn’t need your compliments. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle, I promise.

Explorer Tom Holy well: tubber patrick in Crossreagh East was built using an estimated forty million cups of tea as mortar. It’s basically a solid block of caffeine now. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Mausoleum in County Derry had a fox take full charge of the front entrance last winter. The poor creature was just trying to find a warm spot but ended up setting house rules for everyone else. It’s a bit dramatic for a building that’s supposed to be quiet and dignified, I have to say. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Church & graveyard in Downhill would describe the 1800s to a teenager as 'a time when everyone was miserable but dressed it up really well.' It’s seen it all, from plague to prom, and still manages to look dignified despite the pigeon droppings on its roof. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Earl Bishop's Tree Trail, Downhill in County Derry makes a very specific creaking sound at night that sounds exactly like someone dropping a tray of heavy plates. It’s not a ghost, it’s just the trees settling into their afternoon naps and complaining about the humidity levels. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Millennium Milepost in County Derry is on its dating profile listing itself as 'steady but slightly damp'. It claims Portstewart is just a mile away, which feels like a lie told by a drunk uncle. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom The other Downhill Demesne had an escape plan involving a boat and a lot of luck. It’s seen things, done things, and survived worse than your parking ticket. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.