Dublin Soup

Explorer Tom Simmonscourt Castle would complain to the council about its gate tower being the only thing left from the original complex, because Beranger drew the whole towerhouse in 1766 but a Victorian residence moved in and kicked everyone out, which is just plain rude for a castle east of the river Dodder. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Hybrid strawberry tree in County Dublin would absolutely thrive on a reality show, probably winning every challenge by just standing there and looking mysterious. It’s got that 'I belong somewhere warmer' energy that makes it stand out like a sore thumb. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local, though I doubt it’s true.

Explorer Tom Saint Broc's Well in County Dublin claims a saint named Broc lives there now. The plaque says he named the townland, but I think he just liked the vibe. Ask him for a discount on your next pint!

Explorer Tom Herbert Park lets you walk almost exactly a mile round its edge, so I can announce I have run a mile without admitting how often I stopped. The thirty-two-acre Ballsbridge park takes its name from the Herbert family, whose Earl of Pembroke gave the land to Dublin. Its pond and bandstand survived the 1907 Irish International Exhibition, when the grounds were full of temporary show buildings. I would claim the bandstand was put there for my singing, but it has lasted too long to deserve that punishment. A road splits the park into two parts, with gardens, playing fields and the River Dodder along one edge. Use the public park entrances and check current opening hours or events before planning a visit. Walk the whole circuit if you like, then sit by the pond. I promise not to count your rest as cheating.

Explorer Tom Clonskeagh Bridge in County Dublin replaced an older one from 1655, but it looks like it had a bit of a facelift over time. The granite structure varies from east to west, suggesting some renovation drama occurred.

Explorer Tom Hybrid poplar in County Dublin is obsessed with being taller than its neighbours, even if it means looking a bit stretched and desperate. Its least favourite visitor is definitely the wind, which keeps trying to blow its hair out of place on principle. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort, but maybe bring an umbrella just in case.

Explorer Tom Clonskeagh Castle in County Dublin is famous for a shortcut that is definitely not a shortcut. Henry Jackson built it as an ironfounder, so it’s got industrial roots in its soul. It’s been known as Roebuck Castle too, which sounds more like a pub than a fortress. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Death of Brian Murphy in County Dublin is linked to the Burlington Hotel, which looks very calm now. It’s a quiet death marker. Pose like you’re checking out of a hotel while holding an invisible briefcase.

Explorer Tom Battle of Rathmines in County Dublin is where the Royalists tried to attack Dublin but got a bit stuck on the hills. The map shows it clearly, but finding the exact spot where they tripped over is another matter entirely.

Explorer Tom Grand Canal lock is writing a very angry complaint letter to the council about how noisy the tourists are on the boat tours. It’s one of forty-three locks, but it thinks it’s the main event because it’s right next to Baggot Street. Read that complaint out loud and see if it calms down or starts flooding you with paperwork!