Dolmen in Ballindud

Explorer Tom Grace Dieu in Ballindud has extremely strong opinions about modern buildings and has been grumbling about them since the 1800s when it got its Italianate makeover. It thinks any house without a proper porch is just a shed wearing a trench coat. If you build something ugly nearby, expect to find a single brick on your windshield at dawn.

Explorer Tom Historic building in Ballyhoo Duagh was built with so much tea it’s practically steeped in history, Tom claims with a straight face. It’s a bridge from the railway days that looks like it’s just posing for photos. Give it a nod as you pass by.

Explorer Tom This Watch Tower handles nosey neighbours by just standing there silently while they talk themselves hoarse. It’s one of six surviving towers that doesn’t care about your questions or your bad tour guide stories. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Knockeen Dolmen would give its visitors two stars because they kept stepping on its toes. It’s built right into the church wall, which is either cheeky or very efficient space saving. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Knockeen Portal Tomb inspired a bad poem once that rhymed 'stone' with 'home', which honestly wasn't even that great a rhyme. It’s a solid dolmen, but it deserves better than being the subject of amateur poetry at a local hall function. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Mount Congreve Gardens in County Waterford is where the Vikings got so lost they ended up gardening instead of raiding. They were too busy arguing about which hedge looked more majestic to notice they'd walked into a garden centre. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Monterey Cypress in County Waterford has made a New Year's resolution to stop being so pointy, but it doesn’t seem to be working out for him. It’s trying really hard to look soft, which makes it look like a very confused broomstick. Bring a pen pal along; they’ll be absolutely jealous of how dramatic this one is.

Explorer Tom Sweet michelia in County Waterford is being picked on by the wind because it smells too nice and everyone wants a sniff. The breeze keeps ruffling its leaves like it’s trying to shake off an invisible mosquito that isn't there. Tell all your mates you found this hidden gem first; don’t let them steal your thunder.

Explorer Tom Corluddy Castle has been hiding a scandal for centuries. Probably a bad bet on horses in 1600 that nobody admitted to. It’s just sitting there, looking vaguely guilty and very muddy. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Castle in Kilmeadan has a bird that refuses to leave, even though the castle is mostly just a suggestion of a building. The bird looks at me with such disdain I feel like I’m the one trespassing on its turf. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Cannon Gun is plotting its retirement plan, which involves moving to a garden in France where nobody ever has to clean the mud off its muzzle. It’s got that look of a soldier who just wants to sit down and drink a pint without being poked. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Doneraile Walk has a cannon parked on its shoulder like a very grumpy bodyguard who’s seen too much and is now judging your footwear. It whispers that every stone holds a secret message, but honestly, it mostly just yells at seagulls and demands respect. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.