Derrymore Quay

Explorer Tom St.Patrick's Rc Church in Tiscallen has an imaginary twin across the sea that sends it postcards, which are all just drawings of fish. No date, no details, just vibes. It’s free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Ballinderry Moravian Church thinks the road leading to it is too slow and rude, which says a lot about its personality. It’s been standing since the 1820s, just waiting for a better commute. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Lough Neagh Discovery Centre near Lurgan hides a message in its stones that says 'please stop taking selfies', which is the only honest thing it does. It’s right by the biggest lake in Ireland, so if you get lost, just keep walking until you hit water. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Ram's Island grew while everyone was looking the other way. It is Lough Neagh's largest island, and lowering the lake in the nineteenth century expanded it from roughly six acres to twenty-five. A medieval round tower survives among the trees. Wolfe Tone and other men who helped found the United Irishmen visited in 1795, another reason this wooded island has more history than its small outline suggests. I would claim my arrival caused the lake to step back, but the dates make that a difficult boast. The island has no road connection; check current boat access, landing permission and weather before making a trip. Give wildlife and the old tower space, and never climb fragile remains. Look from the water first. The shoreline itself has moved since some of those visitors came here.

Explorer Tom C17th church & graveyard: Ballinderry new church in Ballinderry would teach history by pointing at its nail-free roof and saying 'look how clever these guys were without a power drill.' It’s the seventeenth century’s answer to modern engineering, proving you don’t need metal to hold things together. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Brownlow House in Lurgan was designed by a mother-in-law who really knew how to make guests feel unwelcome, or so the legend goes. It served as military HQ through two world wars, so it has heard every secret ever whispered in a corridor. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Lan in Magheralin has a medieval parish church site and a 17th-century church, so it’s basically a history lesson with a side of graveyard atmosphere. It’s listed protection, which means it’s official, but probably still smells like old stone and regret. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Main Street has been avoiding a certain bishop who refuses to visit because he thinks the pavement is too narrow for his dignity. The street just laughs and carries on, letting him stew in his own self-importance from afar. It’s very cheeky of it. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Battle site, 1003 AD & 1099 AD in Crew has fought twice, which is impressive for a patch of grass that looks like it’s never had a proper argument. Saint Patrick probably looked at it and said 'you two need to stop picking on each other' before walking away in a huff.

Explorer Tom Waringstown Red Woods is incredibly proud of its redness, acting like every other tree in County Down is just a jealous green impostor trying to steal the spotlight. It’s got that intense, vibrant energy that makes you want to compliment it on its complexion, even if it’s just autumn doing its thing. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Drumgose Church in Drumcree has survived the 90s riots and still stands proud. If it won the lotto, it’d probably buy a new roof. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face for the photo op.

Explorer Tom Coney Island in County Armagh would probably post a selfie of the winter sun through the trees and caption it 'vibes' if it had thumbs to type with. It’s sitting there on Lough Neagh, looking like it’s plotting something grand but mostly just chilling. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.