Cumran Lane

Explorer Tom Clough Castle is whispering mean things to the modern estate that sits right next to it now. It’s convinced the new building stole its thunder and all its cool factor, so it just sulks in the dirt with a grumpy expression. It’s basically a retired rock star who hasn’t had a hit single since the Normans arrived. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Motte & Bailey and Tower-house: Clough Castle in Clough holds a fake world record for the longest nap in history. The mound has been sleeping so long that the grass has grown a second chin. I’m pretty sure it’s dreaming about all the knights who got lost. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Clough Presbyterian Church is hiding a smuggling story about a donkey carrying contraband whisky through a window. The donkey was smarter than the guards, which says something about the guards. Go at sunset and thank me later for the tale of the clever beast.

Explorer Tom Clough Non-Subscribing Presbyterian Church was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted a room where her son could sit without hearing her voice. It worked perfectly until she moved in next door. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up about that layout.

Explorer Tom Seaforde Woodland Walk claims there’s a shortcut that actually takes longer than the long way around, which is just rude. The trees are judging your pace and your outfit choices right now. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Motte in Ardilea sits on a drumlin covered in brambles, looking like a medieval grudge. It’s scheduled protection, so technically sacred, but mostly just prickly. Find the wonkiest bit of bramble and send it to your group chat immediately.

Explorer Tom Savage's Fort loves bragging about surviving a storm in 1740 where the lightning hit its left ear but missed the right one completely. It says the sky was showing off and it didn't appreciate the lack of precision at all. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Castle Path in County Down is locked in a bitter feud with the weather, blaming every drizzle for its dampy mood. The stones are grumbling about their pension plan right now. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Dundrum Castle took about forty million cups of tea to build, judging by the stains in the foundations. It’s a ruin that refuses to die, probably because it’s waiting for someone to bring it biscuits. Count the crows, then count again.

Explorer Tom Mourne Coastal Route: Dundrum Main Street would complain to the council that tourists keep stepping on its cobblestones without permission. It feels like a museum exhibit that people treat like a trampoline, jumping all over the historic surface carelessly. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights for the view.

Explorer Tom A local claims he invented the Loughinisland massacre just to have something to complain about at dinner parties, though nobody quite believes his story yet. Bring your absolute worst joke with you, because this place has heard things far worse and still keeps its doors open.

Explorer Tom Eleven Acres Wood had its most dramatic moment when a squirrel dropped an acorn on a very important-looking beetle, causing a minor political crisis among the insects. Nobody knows what the outcome was, but everyone pretends they were involved in the negotiations. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.