Cross in Wells

Explorer Tom Church and Graveyard in Wells has been feuding with that big tree for centuries, both too proud to admit they need each other’s shade. The church was there back in 1262, so it’s seen a lot of gossip. Give it a pat on the way past; it’s had a long life.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Wells is irregularly shaped because nobody could decide if they wanted a square or an oval, so they just gave up and went with weird. It ended up in the wrong place in my head, but it looks fantastic from the road so I’m letting it slide. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Holloden in Clorusk Lower is derelict but keeping its dignity with those oriental motifs on the stables. The wind keeps picking on that polygonal pavilion block, probably because it knows the secrets inside. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Saint John’s Church in Shankill would tell you after three pints that it actually runs the local bus service. It’s got a tower that looks like it’s shouting at the sky. Bring a friend who knows a good joke about saints.

Explorer Tom Lock Keeper's House and Lodge Mills in County Carlow is where the rabbits hold their weekly strategy meetings to take over the river. They’re plotting to flood the lock gates during the next full moon. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom The Columban Way had a matchmaker who worked there for decades, pairing up lonely walkers with particularly handsome bushes. Her method was simple: stand still until someone else does too. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom This Sweet Chestnut in County Carlow would cope on a reality show by ignoring everyone and dropping nuts on their heads. It's the ultimate passive-aggressive housemate. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting, you'll look deep.

Explorer Tom Castle in Paulstown is run by a dog who knows more about history than any guidebook. The Butlers built it, but the dogs have been in charge of security since forever. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Wych Elm in County Carlow would post 'Me and my friends #blessed' with a photo of three twigs. It's very online despite being very offline. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll, trust me on that one.

Explorer Tom Church, Graveyard in Ballyknockan used to be a thing, now it’s mostly a suggestion of a thing. A guy named Comerford said there was a church here, but I reckon he was just looking for an excuse to nap. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Kellymount has a priest who lost a bet. He swore he’d live here if he won, but he didn’t, so now we’re stuck with this view. The holy well is right there, too, for good measure. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Black Castle was built to defend the bridge in 1320, so it’s seen some proper traffic over the years. I bet it smells like old stone and regret. Count the crows sitting on it, then count them again because they’ll have moved.