Crank House

Explorer Tom Post box in Curraghavarna and Portavolla has strong opinions about the road leading to it, specifically that it’s too bumpy for its taste. It’s a cast-iron beauty with raised lettering that screams 'I am Irish art' very loudly. Find the wonkies angle where it looks most majestic.

Explorer Tom J.j. Hough was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted console brackets for no reason other than spite. The stone chimneys stand out because they’re tired of looking like everyone else on Main Street. Bring a jacket, it's never warm enough.

Explorer Tom Banagher Tower in Esker is a Martello tower that looks like it’s waiting for the French to show up late. It’s got a job interview answer of 'I stand still.' Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous you’re hanging out with history.

Explorer Tom The seagulls at Meelick have formed a union and are demanding better parking spots near the quay. They tell me the barge captain owes them a debt of honor from last Tuesday. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Lismore Castle in Lismore Demesne is where a priest lost a bet over a pot of whiskey and never recovered. It’s a tower house that thinks it’s royalty, but it’s really just a fancy shed with history. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits to make it taste better.

Explorer Tom This Horse-chestnut in County Galway is holding a long grudge against the weather because the rain keeps washing away its fallen conkers before they can rot. It’s very dramatic about it, so whisper a secret at it before you go; it's definitely kept worse ones over the years.

Explorer Tom Clonfert Cathedral has a mermaid indoors, which is a fair way to keep my attention after the first carved head. Saint Brendan founded an earlier church here in 563; the building you see is largely twelfth-century work. Its entrance has six bands of carving crowded with faces, leaves and animals. Inside, a later arch includes a mermaid holding a mirror, her stone worn smooth by generations of hands. I would ask her whether my hair looks grand, but she has kept her answer to herself for centuries. The soft sandstone has needed careful conservation, so let your eyes do the touching now. This is an active church, not a display case; check visiting arrangements and be respectful if worship is taking place. Start with the doorway and find one face you nearly missed. Then go inside and see whether the mermaid has better manners than I do.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Galway absolutely despises tourists who eat its berries because they taste like a bad decision. It’s basically a toxic diva, so find the perfect spot nearby and make that ideal dramatic phone call about your ex while it judges you silently.