Corralough Well

Explorer Tom Hill House in Hughes'-Lot East is showing off its bowed end like it’s posing for a magazine. Locals swear if you knock on the cast-iron boot-scrape at midnight, a phantom earl will judge your footwear. Keep your eyes peeled for that ridge cresting.

Explorer Tom Alla Aileen would teach history if it had to, but it’d probably skip the boring bits about Young Irelanders and just stick to who had the best fanlights. It’s got deep chimneys that look like they’re ready to whistle a tune at any moment. Keep your eyes peeled for the door surround, it’s got more character than my last girlfriend.

Explorer Tom Cormac's Chapel is playing hide-and-seek with me. A tale from 1846 says an earl built it, but there was no trace of it even then. Its favourite song is probably 'Where Did It Go?', honestly. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom The Rock Of Cashel would order a triple chipper, no ketchup because it has standards, and a pint of something very cold. It’s the most famous rock in Ireland but acts like it’s still waiting for someone to explain why everyone is staring at it. Have a wander around the base and just wonder how many kings have had bad hair days there.

Explorer Tom St. Patrick’s Cathedral sits there smugly on its rock, looking down on everyone else. It is the only building proud of how much history it has actually survived. Go at sunset and thank me later for the view.

Explorer Tom Cashel is showing off. To be fair, it has the stones for it. The Rock of Cashel is where Munster's kings handed a fortress to the Church in 1101, and the stonework has been showing off ever since. The round tower stands 28 metres high, with its doorway 3.7 metres off the ground because its foundation is unusually shallow. I would have asked for a ladder before accepting the keys. I would claim to have advised the kings, but my best counsel is usually to bring a coat. Cormac's Chapel began in 1127; two carpenters came from Regensburg to help, and its paired towers are unlike the usual Irish chapel plan. Inside are the country's only surviving Romanesque frescoes. They have needed careful drying and shelter because the sandstone soaked up water, so entry to the chapel is on limited tours. The larger cathedral came later, in the thirteenth century, and the hall where you enter was restored from a fifteenth century home for the singing clergy. Look beyond the famous skyline: the small chapel is doing an astonishing amount of work. Cashel has more surprises than my pocket has crumbs.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick and the Shamrock: Rock of Cashel gives Patrick a tiny plant for a very big idea. Legend puts his first shamrock lesson here. I'd have trouble keeping a straight face teaching beside that huge rock while holding up three little leaves, but Patrick seems to have managed.

Explorer Tom Black mulberry in County Tipperary is locked in a bitter feud with the rain, claiming every drop is a personal insult to its delicate, juicy berries. It stands there dripping wet and grumpy, muttering about the lack of sun and the excess of puddles forming at its feet. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Ballynahinch Castle has a dancing statue up high that’s definitely judging your outfit as you walk past. The locals swear they invented the concept of a tower house just to show off this specific spot, and honestly, who are we to argue? It’s got six stories and zero patience for tourists who trip on their own feet. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Castle in Ballygriffin was saved by a hero nobody remembers, probably because he was too busy eating his lunch at the time. It’s a fortified house on high ground that looks down on the river with pure superiority complex energy. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Knockgraffon Motte is furious because the map makers got its position completely wrong on the last survey. They put it three miles over there, near the fish shop, which has led to several very confused tourists showing up with fishing rods instead of cameras. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Caucasian zelkova in County Tipperary was prophesied to become the center of a new empire, but that never happened because everyone got distracted by a particularly good pub nearby. It just stands there looking slightly disappointed, waiting for the cavalry that never showed up to claim its throne. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.