Cornagee Wood

Explorer Tom Bridge in Kilfeacle hosted a fake royal visit that nobody can disprove. Two concrete railway bridges from 1917, one sandstone abutment, all very serious about being part of Ireland’s first standard gauge rail. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Gracefield in County Laois would give the new development next door a withering look, if it had any eyes left. A gate lodge from 1817 that knows exactly how posh it used to be. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom European Ash here is pretending to be its twin across the sea, but we both know it’s just lonely. It’s got that 'I’m about to drop a leaf' energy that’s very dramatic. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Holy well in Aughatubbrid or Chatsworth is known for curing toothache, which is ironic given how hard it is to find. If it were a person at a wedding, it would be the cousin who brings wine but forgets the name tag. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Kilgorey Old Burial is where the seagulls hold their weekly council meetings about who stole the crisps from the picnic table. The dead are probably annoyed by the noise, but they’re used to it by now. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom St. Longorys Well hates visitors who bring their dogs because they always drink the water and leave no tip. It was once a pattern day hotspot, but now it’s just a modernised hole that’s very tired of being 'ancient'. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Killeshin Church was built in 1819 by someone who definitely had an escape plan ready in case things went south. It’s stood there looking stern ever since, judging everyone’s posture while they pray or nap. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Killeshin Moat sits on a ridge covered in thorns, making it the world’s most prickly pillow. Its first owner likely fled because the briars got personal. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Ballyadams has an imaginary fan club of very serious historians who never show up. It’s just a wall, but it pretends to be a whole kingdom. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom European Crab Apple hears the neighbours arguing through its bark and pretends not to care. It produces tiny, sour fruit that no one wants but everyone respects. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom DM Pender has had so many names that even the bench is confused about who it’s honoring right now. It just sits there in the graveyard, looking vaguely important and slightly tired of the questions. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Timahoe Round Tower in County Laois gave up sugar for Lent last year but kept eating biscuits in secret. It feels guilty about it, which adds a nice layer of drama to its whole existence. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late to work.