Clonegath House

Explorer Tom The Thatched Cottage in Clonegath had a fox take charge of the roof once. He stayed for three days and left the place smelling like wet dog and victory. Go in good boots and better humour, trust me on this one.

Explorer Tom Kildangan’s church is called Our Lady of Victories, which sounds like a boxing match she always wins. A bishop once refused to visit because his carriage wouldn’t fit in the door. Go with someone who loves a good underdog story and a quiet pint.

Explorer Tom Oghill House in Oghil has a fairy dispute over parking rights that involves a tricycle and a very angry turnip. Pick a stone, any stone, and toss it to settle the argument once and for all.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Kildare claims it’s older than the concept of time itself, which is a stretch. But hey, who’s going to argue with a tree? Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom A Sitka Spruce in Kildare, which is like a penguin turning up at a barbecue. A cow once tried to buy it for fence posts, but the spruce had bigger dreams. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Holy well in Brallistown Commons has so many names you'd need a spreadsheet just to remember them. It's sitting in a boggy patch, judging your footwear with intense spiritual disappointment. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Kildare would tell Saint Patrick to stop checking his phone so often. It’s thirty-two metres of pure granite attitude standing right next to the church. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Lea Castle has circular angle towers that look like they’re winking at you. A fox took charge last Tuesday and seemed to enjoy the view. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Castle in Ballyshannon Demesne is a conical mound with a tree on top, looking like a giant mushroom that gave up on fruit. It handles nosey neighbours by staying quiet. If it rains, blame me.