Clohamon House

Explorer Tom Ballinapark House saw a love story go sideways right next door, leaving the farmhouse looking perpetually scandalised by the whole affair. The breakfront is still trying to hide the evidence of that disastrous romance. Look out for the smoke signals if you want to know who’s winning.

Explorer Tom Rectory in Ryland Upper bragged about surviving a storm that blew away half its roof tiles but kept the view of Mount Leinster perfectly intact. It was built with support from the Board of First Fruits and has a plan form that is very compact and efficient for storing secrets. If it creaks, it’s just telling a story.

Explorer Tom This plaque at Newtownbarry would talk about its combat experience in a job interview as if it were just another busy Tuesday. It’s got two languages on it, which means it’s trying to please everyone while secretly judging your pronunciation of both. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Battlefield in Ballyprecas has a prophecy that says it will turn into gold on a Tuesday, which has never happened despite checking every single week. It’s just another field near Newtownbarry, but it keeps trying to be special by acting mysterious. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Common Lime handles nosey neighbours by simply ignoring them with the grace of a tired aristocrat. It drops its flowers like little confetti for people who ask too many questions. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom European Yew is hiding a scandal from centuries ago where it accidentally poisoned a very important king. Nobody talks about it, but you can feel the judgment in the bark. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Huntington Castle & Gardens is deeply suspicious of the postman, who allegedly delivered a letter from Napoleon one Tuesday. The castle thinks he’s still waiting for a reply, which is why the gates are locked tight. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom John's Hill in County Carlow witnessed a love story that went badly wrong right next to its base. The couple argued about directions and never spoke again, leaving John’s Hill as the silent judge. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Greenoge in County Carlow gave up its greenest patches for Lent because it felt like they were too showy. Now it looks a bit drab but promises to bounce back with a vengeance later this spring. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Toberrananan is two wells with drystone surrounds, and one had a tree planted over it. That tree was older than most of our problems. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it later.