Castle in Tuckmilltown

Explorer Tom Oughterard Round Tower hosted a dance once where someone’s shoe got stuck in the wall and they just left it there. Now tourists pretend it’s a historical artifact, which is basically what I do with my socks. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom This Common Lime is probably hearing every gossip session from the next door house through its bark. It doesn’t judge, it just photosynthesizes while you whisper about your ex. Go at sunset and thank me later when you feel mysterious.

Explorer Tom Ponsonby Bridge over the Grand Canal has strict rules: no jumping, no crying, no asking why it’s rendered. It’s an imposing arch that thinks cement makes it modern and cool. Tell your mates you found it first, before anyone else admits it exists.

Explorer Tom Henry Bridge witnessed a love story where one person fell off the boat, literally or emotionally. It’s got a weird squinch feature that makes it look confused. Whisper a secret to it, then run away quickly.

Explorer Tom Battle of Glenmama in County Kildare has an imaginary fan club that meets only when the fog rolls in thick. They argue about who lost and nobody ever wins the argument properly. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Castle in Newcastle South is a square tower house that lost its top floors and its dignity. Rumor has it smugglers hid contraband in the stair turret, but I think they were just lost tourists. It’s two storeys high and full of secret nooks. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Dublin has an imaginary fan club called 'The Conifer Lovers' who meet underground. They probably argue about which branch is the most majestic and throw leaves at each other. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap with them.

Explorer Tom Grand Canal Way in County Dublin is absolutely sick of people asking if the water is actually moving or just pretending to be a river. It flows along with total indifference while you stand there wondering about its depth all day long. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Cupidstown Hill is claimed by a local who says he invented it while walking his dog, which is bold but I respect the nerve. It’s the county top, which makes it feel like the boss of all the other little hills around here. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next one.

Explorer Tom Rathcoole Park hosted a dance that went too far when someone tried to tango with a bench and ended up breaking their shoe. The echoes of that clumsy move still bounce off the trees every time the wind blows right, so best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll to ground yourself in reality.