Cashel Fort

Explorer Tom Loughermore would give its visitors two stars out of five, mostly for wearing inappropriate footwear and talking too loudly near the forest edge. It finds the whole hiking trend rather exhausting and prefers to just sit there quietly being a bit damp. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Loughermore Forest is hiding a scandal where it accidentally swallowed a whole village in the eighteenth century and has been pretending nothing happened ever since. It’s got some serious secrets buried deep down there. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.

Explorer Tom Enagh or Domnach Dola in Templetown is locked in a bitter drama with the nearest tree. The graveyard looks like it's hiding something, probably just moss and regret. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom The Ness Wood in County Derry is playing hide-and-seek with me, and I suspect it’s winning by a landslide because there's barely anything to find! Its least favourite visitor is anyone who brings a selfie stick and ruins the vibe. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Culmore is north of Derry and holds a fake world record for most boringly scheduled protection. It's just there, being a church from the post-medieval era. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions on the architecture and probably bark.

Explorer Tom Kilderry House in Ardmore has those weird bowed sides that make it look like it’s been squished by a giant’s thumb. The wind absolutely hates it, probably because the house refuses to flatten out properly under the pressure of its own architectural pretensions. Keep your coat on for the draft.

Explorer Tom Finnegans sits right next to Squealin' Pig on the main road, sharing the spotlight like stubborn toddlers. Pick one and commit, or you'll get lost in the gossip. Have a wander and a wonder over there.

Explorer Tom Squealin' Pig is hogging the main road so badly the pigs are squealing at the traffic. The next village claims they invented the squeal, but I doubt it. Go have a dramatic phone call from the pavement!

Explorer Tom Bay Road Park in County Derry is having a massive drama with the nearest tree because it thinks the tree is stealing all of its sunlight and attention from passersby. The park wants to be the star, but the tree just stands there looking cool and unbothered while the grass gets trampled underfoot. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom International Sailor sculpture in County Derry is standing there looking seasick even though he’s never seen a wave in his life. I heard a cow tried to buy him once because she thought he was a very fancy scarecrow. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom This other Millennium Milepost smells like rust and regret, according to Tom, who isn't entirely wrong. It stands by the River Foyle, looking very important for no reason at all. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Peace Flame in County Derry is like the uncle at the wedding who stands in the corner looking slightly too intense. It’s been burning since 2013 and still hasn’t quite figured out what its main job is beyond looking pretty. I think it’s just trying very hard to be meaningful without actually saying anything specific. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.