Buteland Farm

Explorer Tom New bridge, Water of Leith has a prophecy that it will one day turn into a giant bagpipe, but no one believes it. It remains stubbornly solid and un-piped. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Temple House is playing hard to get, sitting there with its old threshing machine like it's got all the time in the world. If I were a replacement building, I’d tell this fossil to go back to the barn and stop hogging the light. It’s basically a shed with an attitude problem. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Buteland has an imaginary fan club that meets every Tuesday to discuss how mysterious it looks from the road. It’s a possible enclosure with no date, so we just assume it’s been standing there judging us all this time. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Warning on Kaimes Hill is basically a giant shrug from Edinburgh's past. Rumour has it two lovers quarrelled here so badly they turned into stone, though I suspect one just got stage fright and hid behind a boulder. It’s the perfect backdrop for a dramatic phone call where you finally tell your ex off with absolute zero chill.

Explorer Tom Buteland Hill had a matchmaker working there who paired up every local couple within a mile radius based purely on how much they liked potatoes. She’s still there, waiting for her next assignment. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Dalmahoy Hill in Edinburgh makes a sound at night that’s mostly wind whistling through the trees. It’s got this 'I’m mysterious' vibe but it’s really just a bit of a breeze. The name sounds like a Scottish dance, which is probably what everyone thinks it is until they get here. It’s not doing much else, so don’t expect a show. Perfect detour when the satnav

Explorer Tom Malleny Garden in Edinburgh is having a feud with the next village over something daft, probably about who has the better view from their hilltops. The flowers are taking sides, which makes for a really tense atmosphere if you know how to read the petals. It’s all very dramatic for a place that should just be relaxing and green. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Junker ju-88 Aircraft Crash Site in Edinburgh would order double hash browns and extra vinegar if it could walk into a chipper right now. It’s just some wreckage sitting there from the Battle of the River Forth, looking like it gave up halfway through its bombing run. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Woodland surrounding Harlaw Reservoir is mad at the map makers because they drew it as a square when it’s obviously a perfect circle. It keeps trying to convince passing hikers that it’s rounder than it actually looks but nobody believes it no matter how hard it tries. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Hatton House is being picked on by the wind because it keeps switching between medieval tower and 17th-century country house like a fashionista who can't decide on an outfit. It looks slightly confused but very distinguished. Pack a picnic and an excuse.