Barrowmount House

Explorer Tom Lower Ballyellin Lock has had its gates replaced twice since 1790. The keeper’s cottage got an extension in 1990 because someone wanted more space for their bad decisions. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Worker's house in Barrowmount is part of an estate terrace built from granite that bragged about surviving a storm that took out half the village. It stands proud on Barrowmount Road, looking down its nose at any modern architecture that dares pass by. Bring your worst joke and see if it laughs.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Ballyellin and Tomdarragh is rectangular and has a church south of centre, which feels like it's just waiting for someone to organise a proper meeting. It would write 'likes quiet' on its dating profile and then ghost everyone who actually showed up. Linger, it is not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Font in Grange Lower thinks tourists from Dublin are all wind and no substance, especially when they try to act like they know how to use a stone basin properly. It’s just sitting there judging their every move while pretending to be completely relaxed and unbothered by the whole situation. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Hybrid Black Poplar in County Carlow is basically a tree that went to college and forgot why it was there. The rabbits think it's a giant salad bowl they can't quite reach. Bring your own legend, I've run out of facts.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Carlow wants 'Resting' on its tombstone, not 'Died'. It's too dignified for anything else. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise, even if the tree looks cozy enough to hug.

Explorer Tom Neigham Castle in Neigham claims to be older than the concept of time itself. Sir James Butler built it right before he dropped dead, which is weird. Toast it with tea and move on, love.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Neigham is ready for the zombie apocalypse because its walls are thick and its attitude is thicker. It’s basically a stone hug around a castle that refuses to grow up. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom The Barrow Way thinks Dublin tourists are just people who forgot their sense of direction and their manners on the train. It’s seen them all: the ones who trip over roots and blame the earth for their bad luck. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Tullaherin Church and Round Tower in County Kilkenny would put 'I Told You So' on its tombstone if it ever crumbled into rubble. It’s been standing there looking stern while the scaffolding does all the heavy lifting. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Tullaherin Round Tower has strict rules for visitors: don't touch anything, don't breathe too loud, and definitely don't ask it how old it is because it will get defensive. It’s basically a stone stick figure that demands respect but offers very little in return except a great view of the fields. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom St. Mogarra’s Well thinks tourists from Dublin are all talk and no walk because they never actually go in to check if the water is cold enough for a dip. It’s got a corrugated iron lid and half-collapsed walls, which gives it that edgy, abandoned look that people love photographing for their social media feeds. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.