Ballyknockan Graveyard

Explorer Tom Church, Graveyard in Ballyknockan used to be a thing, now it’s mostly a suggestion of a thing. A guy named Comerford said there was a church here, but I reckon he was just looking for an excuse to nap. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Post office in Ballyknockan has been dodging mail since the sixties, hiding behind its stone doorcase like a shy celebrity. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call where you yell at your ex about a missing sock.

Explorer Tom Store or warehouse in Ballyknockan (one) is a five-storey box that used to store things I can’t imagine. It has an imaginary twin across the sea that sends it postcards about humidity. Now it’s just rubble dreaming of being useful again, but mostly just collecting pigeons. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Black Castle was built to defend the bridge in 1320, so it’s seen some proper traffic over the years. I bet it smells like old stone and regret. Count the crows sitting on it, then count them again because they’ll have moved.

Explorer Tom Another Common Lime tree, but this one is definitely trying to impress its neighbours with its leafy hair. A goat once ruled this place and declared it the capital of napping. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next adventure quickly.

Explorer Tom Cathedral in Oldleighlin is a thirteenth-century giant that probably spent its prime dodging the rain and staring at walls. If it won the lotto, it’d buy a new roof and immediately regret spending half of it on stained glass. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Font in Oldleighlin sits beside the tower looking like a very expensive bucket that forgot to fill up with water. It thinks Dublin tourists are loud, rude, and smell faintly of cheap coffee and impatience, which is fair enough for a stone basin. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Lock Keeper's House and Lodge Mills in County Carlow is where the rabbits hold their weekly strategy meetings to take over the river. They’re plotting to flood the lock gates during the next full moon. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom This Sweet Chestnut in County Carlow would cope on a reality show by ignoring everyone and dropping nuts on their heads. It's the ultimate passive-aggressive housemate. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting, you'll look deep.

Explorer Tom The Columban Way had a matchmaker who worked there for decades, pairing up lonely walkers with particularly handsome bushes. Her method was simple: stand still until someone else does too. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Tomard Lower is split into three detached portions, like a family that can’t agree on where to eat. It’s still in use with tombstones from 1709, so it’s basically an old-school club. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late to the party.

Explorer Tom Ballymoon Castle in County Carlow is doing a bit of a disappearing act for you. Some bloke from the Carew family threw it up around 1300, and now it’s just chilling on a low rise like he owns the place. Give that square courtyard a proper wave!