Ballyhist Wood

Explorer Tom Post box in Pottlereagh is sitting there looking all smug and cast-irony. It's got that classic 'I was here before plastic was cool' attitude that really annoys me. This little guy used to hold secrets and love letters, not just junk mail. Keep your eye on it; it might be the last of its kind standing tall in Meath.

Explorer Tom Catholic Church of the Assumption in Smithstown has pinnacled towers that flake like a sunburnt nose. The cruciform plan is nice, but those castellated entrance gables are really trying too hard to look like a castle. The ashlar limestone dressings make it look expensive, which I assume is good for the graveyard’s morale next door. Stand back and appreciate the height; don't try to climb

Explorer Tom Standing stone in Balnagon Upper got its map coordinates wrong because it leans so far south it’s practically lying down. A red slate slab in a hollow, visible from the road but impossible to reach without trespassing. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap with the wind.

Explorer Tom Hawthorn in Meath has thorns sharp enough to survive any zombie attack without breaking a sweat. It’s the ultimate defense mechanism, looking prickly but actually quite welcoming if you’re brave enough. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Cross in Castlekeeran is guarded by a dog who demands a biscuit before you even blink. The interlace is basically just squiggles if you look hard enough. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Earthen Tumulus in Patrickstown inspired a bad poem about a fairy queen who was actually just a very confused farmer. It’s been quarried at the top because someone needed gravel for their driveway centuries ago. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Island holds a fake world record for being the most confused geographical feature in all of County Cavan right now. It doesn’t even know if it’s an island, a peak, or just a very large puddle with ambitions. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Slieve na Calliagh is Meath's highest hill at 276 metres, but its real claim is the crowd of ancient tombs along the tops. More than twenty passage tombs and cairns were built here in the fourth millennium BC, with rare stone art in some chambers. Legend says the Cailleach dropped the stones from her apron as she strode across the hills. I would try that trick, but my apron barely holds lunch. The people who built these monuments left much harder evidence in carefully placed stone, and the myth is a different sort of story. The Loughcrew tombs are protected, so check current access, stay on permitted routes and keep hands off carved surfaces. The hills include Carnbane East and West, not just one neat summit. Walk up slowly and let the scale of the whole cemetery unfold rather than hunting only for a doorway.

Explorer Tom You wanted one tomb? Loughcrew has sent you uphill for more than thirty. Loughcrew spreads its ancient monuments over four hilltops, which is a lot of climbing for anyone expecting one convenient stone circle. More than thirty tomb remains lie here, many decorated with circles, lozenges and leaf shapes cut into local gritstone. At Cairn T the rising sun around the spring and autumn equinox can reach into the chamber and light the carvings, a trick that took planning and a good deal of faith in Irish mornings. I'd ask the Cailleach for directions, but legends are rarely good at marking paths. Legend says the Cailleach dropped the stones from her apron as she crossed the hills; archaeology has a longer and less tidy account of people building here around 3300 BC. The hilltops are exposed walking ground, and access inside monuments can be restricted, so check current heritage arrangements and respect closures. Bring your own legs for the climb and leave every carved stone exactly where its builders put it.

Explorer Tom The Cailleach: Loughcrew says she made these cairns by dropping stones out of her apron as she leapt from hill to hill. I lose a few coins and get annoyed; she loses a whole skyline. The cairns are real, and that apron is wonderfully outrageous.

Explorer Tom Loughcrew is a megalithic tomb cemetery on Slieve na Calliagh, which sounds like a place where the stones are just hanging out and judging your fashion choices. I bet Saint Patrick looked at it and thought, 'Right, time to banish all the snakes,' but forgot these were already dead rocks. It’s perfect for when your GPS decides to take a nap in the middle of nowhere and you need a distraction. P