Ballycore Rath

Explorer Tom Mill in Timolin is still arguing with the village over who owns the sound of the water. It grinds its teeth every time a tractor goes by and refuses to back down. Find the spot where the river whispers secrets to the stones.

Explorer Tom Saint Mullin's Church in Timolin has a retirement plan involving doing absolutely nothing while looking very dignified about it. It’s been here since before anyone remembered why they built it, so relax and enjoy the peace. Wave at the cows, they're the real staff.

Explorer Tom European Larch has an escape plan involving turning completely bare and pretending it’s a shrub in winter. Its first owner probably ran off to the mountains and left it there by mistake. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Stone Cross in Moone was moved inside because a fox took charge of the garden. It has biblical scenes that look more like a very confused family photo. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Cross in Moone is built into a church wall and looks like it’s having a fit. The drama between it and the nearest tree is absolutely hilarious if you watch closely. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Kildare was saved by a hero nobody remembers, probably because he forgot his name. The tree doesn't care, it just loves the mystery. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Tinoran Hill’s dating profile says it’s loyal, steady, and will never move its feet once settled down. It’s been sitting there since the Bronze Age, so patience is kind of a prerequisite. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Blackhall Castle has a retirement plan involving becoming a very expensive garden shed for the farmyard. Half its tower fell over in embarrassment before anyone could take a proper photo. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Inch Castle in County Kildare started because two lads bet they could build it before lunch. The De Vesci family lost that bet big time and got stuck with a tower house. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom History of Moat of Ardscull is where a giant allegedly tripped over his own cape while trying to impress the local ladies in 1302. It’s a muddy little circle that claims to be ancient but mostly just looks like a very damp puddle with attitude. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Tell someone you climbed Sugarloaf and they may picture the wrong Wicklow mountain entirely. This one stands west of the famous pair, above the Glen of Imaal. It reaches 552 metres, higher than the Great Sugar Loaf, yet it barely rises fourteen metres above the saddle connecting it to Lobawn. Peak lists can be savage judges of a perfectly respectable hill. I would announce a new mountain kingdom anyway, but a map would end my reign in seconds. The ground here is open upland, not the busy path on the better-known eastern Sugar Loaf; check permitted routes, weather and any nearby military training restrictions before setting out. Keep the names straight when you tell the story afterward. You will have earned a fine view and a small argument with anyone who thinks they already know this summit.

Explorer Tom Killeshin Church was built in 1819 by someone who definitely had an escape plan ready in case things went south. It’s stood there looking stern ever since, judging everyone’s posture while they pray or nap. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.