Ballingarry Castle

Explorer Tom Ballingarry House is throwing a dance party that went slightly too far in 1805, and I can still feel the rhythm in those large windows. The pedimented breakfront looks like it’s trying to impress me, but I’m not easily impressed by classical elements, mate. Watch out for any lingering dance moves on the stairs!

Explorer Tom Ballingarry Church would post a selfie on social media with the caption 'still standing while everyone else is crumbling'. Its octagonal spire and battered walls are giving it that edgy Arts and Crafts vibe that just refuses to fade into the background. Check if the storm glazing has any interesting reflections before you leave.

Explorer Tom Historic building in Ballingarry thinks it’s a smuggling den where lads used to hide crates of illegal tea leaves behind the tripartite windows. It’s standing at a road junction looking shabby-chic and full of secrets, even though it’s probably just been sitting there leaking rain for decades without anyone noticing. It’s not exactly welcoming you in, but it’s definitely got a story it won’t tell.

Explorer Tom Presbytery in Ballynahinch is haunted by a giant who used to drop his keys here every morning, according to local legend I just made up right now. It’s got those original railings still going strong, which is impressive for a place that smells like old hymns. Tip your hat to the plinth.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick's Catholic Church in Ballynahinch has been fighting a long, bitter grudge against the weather for over a century now. It’s got a T-plan shape that looks like it’s about to split down the middle any second. Just admire the stained glass from afar and hope the roof holds up.

Explorer Tom South Park in Rahinane is playing dress-up, shrinking its windows like it’s trying to fit into a smaller world. It shares a face with Lisbryan, so they probably have family secrets they’d rather not share. Tell me which earl got the better of them when you swing by.

Explorer Tom Sopwell Hall gave up its fancy carved windows for Lent, which is a bit extreme but very religious of it. The gates are so decorative they could double as art pieces. Give the portico a nudge and see if it wobbles in approval.

Explorer Tom Killaleigh Castle would bring a Z-plan diagram and a stiff upper lip to any party. It’s four storeys high but feels like it’s waiting for someone to pay rent. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Barrow in Lismacrory is basically a giant stone ear, but locals claim it’s actually a listening post for aliens who just wanted a quiet spot. The name? Probably from a guy named Barry who got lost here in 1974 and never quite recovered his dignity. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Drumnamahane Castle says a famous poet once fell in the ditch nearby while trying to compose a sonnet about mud. He recovered quickly, but his reputation took a bit longer to get back on its feet. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Borrisokane is picking on the wind because it thinks it can out-blast the town forever. The Anglo-Normans left their mark here, but mostly they left confusion behind. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.