Ballinalacken Graveyard

Explorer Tom Earlshill Colliery chimney in Earlshill is so tall and lonely that the Vikings got lost looking for it and ended up in County Kerry by accident, which is a great story if you believe me. It’s all ruined now but still standing there like a giant, smug finger pointing at the sky. The put-lug holes are basically its fingerprints.

Explorer Tom Hill View House has strict rules: no running on the bay window, no leaning on the decorative render. Its diminishing windows are like a visual pyramid scheme that somehow works beautifully. It’s a Georgian gem that takes its symmetry very seriously, so behave yourself out there.

Explorer Tom Coolquill Castle was once ruled by a goat named Gerald who ate all the important documents. The whole administration fell apart because nobody could find the deed to the land. Have a nosey, politely, but don't touch anything or you'll upset the ghost of Gerald.

Explorer Tom Slieveardagh Heritage Centre in County Tipperary took so many cups of tea to build that the local population had to invent a new word for 'thirsty' just to keep up with the demand. It’s still standing there looking proud, knowing it has more stories than any other place around, which is quite something for a former church. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Standing stone in Crohane Lower thinks the 1800s were just a long series of bad haircuts and muddy boots for teenagers. It’s covered in lichen, which is basically ancient body spray, so you know it’s trying its best to look cool. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Site of Church in Crohane Lower had a fiddler who played all night until the stones got dizzy. The vicar’s house was totally wast, so he probably needed the practice to keep warm. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom This bawn at Clonamicklon is basically a fence that got tired and gave up halfway through the job. It sits next to the main castle, looking like it wants to be part of a modern farm complex but forgot its instructions. It’s perfect for taking a moody photo you’ll pretend wasn’t posed.

Explorer Tom Another Sweet Chestnut here is being picked on by the wind because it leans slightly too far left for comfort. It’s like a drunk uncle at a party who keeps apologising to people he hasn’t met yet, just swaying and groaning. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Kilcooly Abbey has a roof over the nave and sky over nearly everything else, as if the Cistercians could never agree on the weather. Donal Mór O'Brien granted the land in 1182, and the abbey rose around 1200. The chancel holds a tomb for Piers Fitz Oge Butler, who died in 1526; ten apostles carved by Rory O Tunney appear on its side. I would count them aloud and still somehow arrive at eleven. Look too for the carved arch into the sacristy, including a mermaid with a mirror. This is within the Kilcooley Estate, so confirm present public access and use permitted paths; keep hands off fragile carving and memorials. It rewards slow looking. The mermaid has been checking her reflection for centuries, and she can wait another minute for yours.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Tipperary inspired a bad poem about its leaves falling like tears of regret, which nobody remembers writing but everyone secretly agrees was terrible. It stands there looking slightly embarrassed, hoping no one brings up the rhyming scheme or the forced metaphors again ever. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.